w00t

Finished with school, certificate in hand! That is all.

bowling...graduation...real life

Well last night I went out with a ton of people from my church and we bowled. Apparently they get together one Monday a month and they split into teams and they just bowl for fun. I was on my Pastor's team and he is pretty competitive. It was fun sometimes but honestly it reminded me why I don't bowl at all. I totally suck at bowling. I got a few spares but not until my last game and then I managed one strike but not until my last game as well. It was sad really.

On a much happier note, tonight is my graduation!!!!!! I am leaving work at 3 to go home and get changed and then to the bank to pull out my last $300 for tuition and then heading over to Deanna's house and she is taking me out to dinner. I am so excited to be done with school!! Friday was my last class but it feels like I won't be done until after tonight. looks like its going to rain too so chances are we won't be able to walk around Royal Oak but that's OK, I don't mind coming home after dinner and relaxing.

Oh I am so looking forward to my week, I am going to keep busy and not have time to think much, which is exactly what I want so I'm not complaining. I have massages to do tomorrow afternoon and a huge party for myself on Thursday night and I'm off Friday and I have another massage and then I'm going to a BBQ and then hopefully I can relax the rest of the weekend. I love 3 day weekends so darn much.

Today at work we're doing inventory which we do twice a year or something and lunch is provided for us which means I get to choose what we're eating and I chose pizza. I have to call and put my order in soon too so that its ready by 12 to deliver. There's going to be a lot too, like 6 pizzas and some salad. Yum yum eat em up. I haven't been eating a lot lately, if at all. I have been losing weight, which is what I want, but its so hard when I'm confronted with things like pizza. Its a small weakness of mine and I'm not used to feeling so guilty eating it. All I want is to be thin and beautiful. Its so sad that people like me have to jump through hoops just to get to that point.

What is my life coming to?

Another Movie!!

OMG I can't wait to see "Gamer".

It comes out on September 4th of this year, and it looks amazing. Its is an action thriller set in a near future when gaming and entertainment have evolved into a new hybrid. Humans control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online games: people play people...for keeps. Mind-control technology is widespread, and at the heart of the controversial games is its creator, reclusive billionaire Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). His latest brainchild, the first-person shooter game "Slayers," allows millions to act out their most savage fantasies online in front of a global audience, using real prisoners as avatars with whom they fight to the death.

Kable (Gerard Butler) is the superstar and cult hero of the ultra violent "Slayers." Kable is controlled by Simon, a young gamer with rock star status who continues to defy all odds by guiding Kable to victory each week. Taken from his family, imprisoned and forced to fight against his will, the modern day gladiator must survive long enough to escape the game to free his family, regain his identity and to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology.

That was all taken from IMDB that's why it sounds so professional. I am looking forward to it, ever since I saw the preview for it when I watched the Hangover with Lori. This is why I love previews at the movies, it gives me something to look forward to later on in the future lol.

I love you Gerard Butler, you are so fuckin hot.

I can't wait to get another bike

I went to the motorcycle show today, my friend Steve took me on his bike, he has a Yamaha R1 and we went like 120 on the freeway and it was fricken awesome. The only thing that was scary was that he was going really fast around the turns and whatever but I asked him to slow down a bit and he did.

He had a helmet for me that isn't even coming out until September! Its an icon brand helmet, and he's got a parts store and he sells icon stuff for a living so they gave him one and its so beautiful. Its black and red and has Detroit written on it and has a mean looking dog on the side baring its teeth and on the back it says Represent. It is sweet, and I got to wear it and people were asking about all day, it was awesome.

A few people showed up from my church too with their bikes, Bud and his wife Sharon were there and then Brenda and Collin. I'm glad they could show up and have fun. There's some pictures below that show the bikes and all too.

this is my friend Steve

Just some of the bikes that were at the show. When we left from Dynamic we had more than 100 with us.

John in the red shirt. He is the owner of Dynamic Powersports on 9 mile in Eastpointe. He was one of the guys that put on the show.

yup, that's me on a bike. On Steve's bike trying to look hot but I'm sure I didn't pull it off lol. If I am getting a new bike I want an R6, not an R1. I want something small.

So yeah, that was really it. I have more pictures but they are just of bikes, and more bikes. I'm like the only one that likes them ha ha, so I'll spare you all those pictures. Anyway so I'm home now and tired. I have to go to work tomorrow and then I'm coming home and getting ready to go out bowling with my church bowling league, which isn't really a league as much as it is a bunch of people who have nothing to do on a Monday night so they go to 13 and Jefferson bowling alley and have a blast. I'm going to start being apart of that, on Monday at least.

I am addicted to a new show on USA called "Royal Pain". Its about a really good Dr. who gets blacklisted from every New York hospital because he let a hospital trustee die because he was saving the life of a young kid instead and so he and his brother go to the Hampton's for the holiday weekend and he saves a life of some famous rich person at some high class party and he ends up sort of accidentally becoming a Dr. that caters to the rich and famous and its kinda funny, but sweet sometimes. Kinda cool because his g/f leaves him before the wedding and all and he is depressed and he gets his life back together. Its a good show, watch it.

Well, its late and time for bed now, goodnight all.

Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping.

Im a geek, this I know.

Tonight I saw Transformers 2, I loved it, maybe because I was sheltered as a kid from stuff like that, now I can't get enough of all the comic-turned into movie things and all the old TV show movies i.e. transformers.

Then I went for BBQ at Red hot and blue with my group. That was yum yum eat em up. Maybe its a southern thing but I love putting coleslaw on top of all my BBQ sandwiches, and even really just plain meat and cheese sandwiches. My fam down south does it I'm sure, but up here people frown on it, dunno why, its delicious.

Here's how much of a geek I am too, I think I might join my church's Monday night bowling thing they do. $10 and i get to wear the shoes and bowl to my hearts content, what more could I ask for?

I am planning another trip to Chicago for sometime in July, most likely the end of July or something, going to take the train and stay with friends who are really excited to be seeing me again and I don't have to pay for much of anything except for food and maybe cab fare even though I am going to walk everywhere I can. I'm going to go to the museum and the aquarium since I didn't get to see those two things last time I went, and they were what I was most looking forward to seeing, besides the food show. I am really excited, I think going alone will allow me to see what I want to see and I won't have to worry about having a "romantic" trip and then being disappointed when it doesn't turn out like I expected.

I hope there is some good bands playing while I'm there for the week, too bad I missed Plushgun there, but I still got to see them here so its OK.

I need to start walking again, I'm getting stronger from massage work and whatever, and I haven't been eating as much lately since I'm so busy, here's hoping the combination of all 3 will get me in shape :)

OK, off to Jessica's house to play board games and video games! I'm spending my Saturday night in, you read it right. I'm looking forward to it though :)

Peace

Some days are just better than others

thats all I really wanted to say.

Thank heaven's for Bike Night

Last night was bike night in Roseville at Dooley's on Gratiot, we go there every Wednesday but I think we'll be going somewhere else from now on and just moving the entire event someplace else because Dooley's sucks, their music blows and they won't let us advertise for anything because their Nazi's. We're more likely to have it at the Box, the only problem with that is its a bit far for some people.

John picked me up on his bike and rode us over there, my dad was working in the garage when he pulled up and I hopped on his bike and he sped away ha ha. My dad waved but I could see he wasn't too happy. It was so damn hot yesterday! Don't get me wrong, I love the heat, but it wasn't good for riders with their leather on. I took a chance and didn't wear anything but a wife beater and I was OK, although if we had dumped the bike somehow I probably wouldn't have any skin anymore.

I can't wait until Saturday so I can see Transformers!!! OMG!! I've been waiting a long time for it, and it is going to be awesome! Plus I'm going to the 4pm show at MJR so it'll be cheapo tix.

Another movie I am dying to see is Harry Potter and the half blood prince. That comes out on July 15th which is a Wednesday. that is gonna be awesome, but sad too because that means that there's only one more after that and then the series is all over for good. :( Although the last movie is going to be made in 2 parts.

Anyway, off topic lol, bike night might be moved, hopefully that won't interfere when I can actually go since it will be a lot farther then I would like to drive every week, but maybe I can catch a ride with the guys or something. I cannot wait to get another bike. I want to practice more and see if I can get the shifting gears thing more down before that though, I don't want to get a heavy bike either, just a small Ninja 250 is fine by me. at least at first :)

oh. em. gee

OMGOSH Plushgun was amazing. Me and Lori got a bit buzzed/drunk and danced our little hearts out right in front of the stage!

I'll start from the beginning. about 2 years ago there was this web show that we got addicted to that is called We Need Girlfriends. It took place in NYC and was about 3 college grads that all got dumped on the same day and who were all moving in with each other. So they are on a quest to get over their now exes and to find new ladies. Its very funny, and cute and the guys are great actors and its just cool that they made this whole thing on their own.

So in the very first episode I watched there was a song that I just was falling in love with and I found the band in the credits and they were called Plushgun, and so I downloaded some of their music and also found their myspace and added them and I started to listen to their stuff all the time, meanwhile looking for when they would ever go on tour. They mostly stuck near or in NYC and so it was like I'd either have to be more patient and wait for them to get bigger or go to NY and see them. Money is tight, so I chose to wait ha ha. So a few weeks back I saw on their myspace they they were going on tour!! Finally! and!!...they were coming to MI!!!!! even better!! sorry there was so many !! there, I was just really excited for a second. So they were coming to Lansing and so I told Lorraine, who shares my love of them and we decided to get tickets, which were only $10, how cool is that?

So I figured that Mac's bar would have to be bigger and better then most bars if they were going to have Plushgun playing there but apparently not many people there even knew about them so other then me and Lori, there was maybe 3 other fans and then the rest of the place was filled up with the other bands that played, of which there were like 4 or 5 and the family and friends of the other bands that played since they were like high school bands and they needed to be babysat or something.

Anyway, so we got to talk to Dan and Taylor and Matt through out the night and we got pictures of them and everything and even though I'm an idiot and didn't remember to put my card back in my camera, I had my phone on me and it takes decent photos if I want it too. Plus the guy that was at the swag table for Plushgun had a camera and took some of us and he's going to send them to me. I will have those posted soon. I totally have a crush on Dan, if he was single and didn't live in NYC and I didn't already have someone I was keeping my hopes on, then I'd totally go for him, ha ha. As if he'd go for me though. He was so nice too, and he told me and Lori to dance in front and act crazy for the band so that other people would too, and even though not more then me and her and 2 other people really danced, we DID act crazy, and it was like a sauna in there and we were literally dripping sweat from everywhere. Then he came down off the stage and danced with me and he was inches from my face with the mike I swear I thought he was going to have me sing into it LOL, OMG what a rush, just thinking about it now and I've got a grin on my face, he is so amazing, his music makes me happy no matter what is happening, that's why I love them so much, I always want to dance when I hear their music. :)

They thanked us for dancing after the show and I got a poster signed by them and Dan signed it "thanks for dancing your rox off", so cool. They were so worth it to drive an hour and 30 minutes and then wait in the hot sun for another 30 just to get in and then bake alive in a hot bar with nothing to drink but a sex on the beach. I would do it again in a heart beat. but hey, me and Lori have driven farther then that to see good music played live, this was nothing.

OK, back to "work" now.

more later.

Staying strong, in the unknown

I am staying strong despite how complicated and tangled up my emotions are right now. I am being as patient as I can be for someone in love and with no knowledge about what is going on or what will happen or what they are thinking. I don't know my future and I can't be sure of anything anymore until someone tells me what the truth is. I don't cry at all anymore, I just feel waves of speculation, doubt and helplessness overwhelm me and I try to block it out with my mantra that I am a strong woman, I love fully and will get through this time in my life with grace and my head held high and I will be happy, no matter the outcome, because I am a strong woman, I love fully and will get through this time in my life with grace and my head held high and I will be happy, no matter the outcome...

God has a plan you you and for me. I am waiting on you to show me that path, or not.

I've seen the path you're eyes wander down, and I wanna come too. Please let me.

You probably will never read this or any of my previous blogs, and if you do don't take them all the wrong way. I am not trying to pressure you into anything by writing out all my feelings in these last few blogs, I just have no where else to express what I'm thinking and feeling. If you have a problem with it all, don't read it, but this is my last one about you. I love you.

Movies, movies, movies...again!

OK so now I HAVE to see Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.

here are a few pictures of the characters below

The Queen is played by who else but Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter is brilliant in my opinion. New girl Mia Wasikowsha will play Alice Kingsley and I must say she looks the part and last but not least, Alan Rickman will play the Caterpillar. OMFG how cool is that?

Next movie I want to see is more of a love story but set throughout time, its totally fascinating and after I read the book a few years ago, it was totally mind boggling but great. Its called The Time Travelers Wife and the two main characters are Rachel McAdams(the wife) and Eric Bana(the time traveler) I won't even explain it, you'll have to read about it online or read the book because all I can say is its amazing.

The next one is called Taking Woodstock. This looks like a fantastically made movie and it has my favorite stand up comedian as the main actor, Demeitri Martin, and one of my favorite sctors as well Liev Schreiber. He plays this guy who's family is going to lose all their hundreds of acreage if they don't come up with some money quick for the bank and so they find out about a local music festival for a few bands and they need a place to play. So they get paid and are able to save their land by having these people come and set up their concert and that was the start of Woodstock. I don't know if their was any truth in the movie but I think there might have been. It looked really awesome.

The next one is a little movie directed and produced by Sam Mendes and I really like his work a lot. Its called Away We Go and it has John Krasinski in it and I just LOVE him as Jim from The Office so I'll see him in just about anything just shy of porn. The movie is about a young couple in love who are expecting their first baby and so they travel across America in search of the perfect place to settle down and have their baby. Along the way they meet up with family and friends and they connect to them and each other in ways they haven't before and find the true meaning of "family". John has a hippy beard and scraggly clothes in this movie but I think it totally works for him.

I really wanted to go see Transformers on Wednesday night when it came out but I decided instead to go with a few people from my church on Saturday at 4pm to the MJR on 15mile to see it and then after their all going to grab some dinner nearby there. I think it would be more fun to do that then see it alone like I was planning on doing on Wednesday. Unfortunately I had no one that wanted to go see the movie with me so thank goodness my church invited me :)

I did see The Hangover with Lorraine though and that was so awesome. We saw it on Friday and we got there before 6pm so we got the tickets for only $4.50! what a deal! On Saturday the tickets will be the same price as well, can't beat it yo!

OK, well that's all the movies for now, but give me a day, I'm sure their will be more.

Peace

Good day for a picnic

too bad I don't have a picnic basket...or someone to go with.

It is really beautiful today though, kinda want to take advantage of it. I am inside right now doing some crafty things with my new 3 panel changing screen and some ribbon I bought yesterday, hopefully it will turn out the way I pictured it in my head.

Later I will go for a bike ride and then shower and relax. Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow but you know what? that's OK because I won't be there forever. I keep trying to tell myself that in hopes it will make me feel better. It works, sometimes.

Next Sunday is the Bridging the Gap Motorcycle Event that I am attending. Me and 200 plus riders are going to leave from Dynamic to ride to Garfield and 18 mine to The Box for an all day awesome bike festival with games and food and beer. I can't wait.

My week is so busy, I'm so excited to have lots of things to do to keep my mind off other stuff for the time being. Its hard being patient even if it's for someone you love, but I am trying and I think I'm succeeding. Tomorrow I am giving my first teacher and now 2nd employer a massage as part of finishing my schooling and that is at 6pm. I'm nervous a bit, but at the same time we're doing it at my house in my spa and so I think it will really impress her and if I do a good enough job she might give me more work in her spa.

Tuesday straight after work me and Lori are driving out to Lansing to go to Plushgun(omg so happy) and we will be back around 11 or before, just in time for me to go to bed lol. Wednesday I have class where I am learning how to do Chair Massage and also learning some business stuff, although I'm reading this awesome book from the Library right now that is helping me with that too. After that I think I might go to Carlo's house and get some work done on myself. I need it, I'm sore from doing everybody else and not having anything done for me. Thursday I think I am going to go see Transformers as a treat to myself and then Friday I am giving Deanna a Therapeutic Massage which I thought I was supposed to do last week but she had me down for this Friday instead, whatever. Saturday I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I think I will have at least 2 massages to do sometime that day. I hope at least. I need money!! Tuition is due the next Tuesday and I might not have enough! I sold 4 gift certificates this week and I should probably get a little tip from each of those so that will help a tiny bit. I have a bunch of stuff in my garage I was saving for someone, wish they would come get it and pay me already ;P

Sunday is the awesome motorcycle event and that will be all day most likely. Then Monday I start it all over again only the next day is the 30th and that means I graduate!!!

That night Deanna is taking me out to dinner with Jessica to Cafe Habana even though she probably won't appreciate it like Deanna and I will cuz shes a picky "American eater" fries and hamburgers and fast food is all she eats it seems. Yuk.

well gotta go get food in my belly and then get back to my craft project.

Hope every ones week goes fabulously and that they keep busy and productive.

Peace.

I can't wait...

I cannot wait until Tuesday.

Lorraine and I are going to Lansing to see Plushgun together live. Its been a few years coming and its finally time for us to go see them. They are a NYC based group, kinda small, mostly electronica and awesomely wonderful. We first heard about them from an online web show we were addicted to called We Need Girlfriends and they were the ones playing the awesome theme song.

We have followed them ever since and they hardly ever left the state but they are finally going on a small tour and they will be at a bar on Michigan State's campus Tuesday night. So fucking excited I'm grinning like an idiot right now. I don't even have to miss work for this thing, w00t!

If there's one thing other then massage that I'm passionate about its music. Music gets me through so many things, tough spots in my life, and rough patches...there's always a song out there that can describe just the way I feel or just what I'm thinking, and singing it or listening to it can make me feel like I've just released something and its no longer weighing me down. I feel better, almost lighter, and then I remember to look for the good stuff in life, not the negative, and to be patient and good things will come to me because I am a good person. I am a catch, I'm beautiful and I love with all my heart. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that? Music reminds me of all that, all the good stuff about me, it put me in such a good mood. I don't know what I would do without it.

Oh the joy of music.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Untitled

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know I'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

One of those days

my mom and dad just left for my sisters up north and before she left she had to just completely crush my blooming good mood because I honestly believe she finds it annoying to see me happy.

so as soon as she left I opened all the doors and windows because the airs on and I know the last thing she will want is to come home to a semi sticky feeling house. ha. that's how lame I am nowadays I guess, I can only retaliate with stuff like that because I really don't care enough about anything anymore to really bother. at least not with people who don't add good things to my life and make it richer, like my mom. and some other people.

I had a dream last night where a person in my life saved me from some kind of crazy robot things that were taking over the world. I didn't expect them to show up in anymore of my dreams and it was sort of...different. Especially since in my dream they seemed to care so much about me. Which is a far cry from real life.

but anyway, I woke up this morning kinda blah but I'm in a good mood now despite everything that has been going on in my life, and I even slept in until 9am!!! That's huge for me.

Don't know what today will hold, but I am ready for anything. Anything. I thought recently that I might have lost most of my hope in humanity, but I haven't yet...Something will renew it, someday. I just have to be patient, even more then I am now.

Mood=strange, sad and lonely. but not heartbroken.

peace.

So fuckin funny.

Oh my goodness.

So my class got canceled and rescheduled for next week instead and so me and Lori went to see The Hangover earlier than expected and so we got cheapo tickets at the MJR! w00t!

It was the funniest movie I've seen this year by far, I haven't laughed out loud that much in a long time. So now I'm home and I'm sitting in my room and its raining and my windows are open and I'm enjoying listening to the rain and yeah. Its nice and peaceful. There's even a nice breeze flowing into my room to go along with the thunder :)

I'm sitting on my bed now reading through all the new books I got from the Library and taking notes about things for my new business. Yum.

Back to work now.

Update galore

I am so close to finishing school I can taste it. Tonight I have my final for the Therapeutic section of my schooling. I have to give my teacher a Therapeutic massage and then after that I'm not positive but I think I also have to take a written exam to get my certification. She hasn't mentioned anything about it since the first month of class, hopefully she just forgets about it and then I won't have to take it ha ha. But she probably won't, so I should do a little more studying.

Tonight after class I'm going to see the movie The Hangover. I am so excited to get out of the house for a bit and see a funny movie. Its going to put me in a really great mood, I can already tell. This weather always puts me in a funny mood. I need some good laughing to really snap me out of bad weather moods.

After the movie I dunno what is happening. I certainly don't want to just go home and stay in the rest of the night, but there isn't really anyone to hang out with. Tomorrow I'm going to a small show at Pepperbottoms, but only if my friend who invited me can get me on the guest list because I don't want to pay to get into a bar to see a band that might not even be any good if I don't have to. Its at least something to keep me busy. During the day tomorrow I might go to the Gratiot Cruise and sit with my dad in his work truck and watch the old cars go by. Not the most exciting way to spend an afternoon but its better then not doing anything at all. The only problem I think I'll have is finding a parking place, maybe I'll just ride my bike, then I can just lay it in the grass where my dad is parked.

I had a dream about zombies the other night, it was bad ass though because I was kicking ass and killing these things with a katana and my dream felt so real that I woke up thinking we were in the middle of a zombie uprising, no pun intended. Of course we're not, but I think I could handle myself pretty well if we ever were. If I had a katana at least...

Movies, movies, movies!

I want to see The Hangover so bad!!! It is already out right now and I have no one to go see it with, I'm almost tempted to go alone to see it but that's no fun guys! Please someone go with me!! Here is a the synopsis:

Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three friends drive to Las Vegas for a blow-out bachelor party they'll never forget. But, in fact, when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning, they can't remember a thing. For some reason, they find a tiger in the bathroom and a six-month-old baby in the closet of their suite at Caesars Palace. The one thing they can't find is Doug. With no clue as to what transpired and little time to spare, the trio must retrace their hazy steps and all their bad decisions in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time to walk down the aisle.

I want to see Year One as well. I have read a lot about it from people who have seen it at the premier and it looks so funny and its also by some of the same people that do The Office so its bound to be great. Plus Michael Cera is so funny and Jack Black is so awesome. Anyone want to go see it with me?? The movie comes out tomorrow and here is a synopsis that I copied and pasted from IMDB:

In year 1, Zed (Jack Black) and his friend, Oh (Michael Cera), are two inept cavemen just trying to survive. Zed is a lazy hunter with no skills, and Oh is a gatherer of nuts and berries. Zed is banished from the village after he eats the forbidden fruit. Oh decides to go with Zed on his epic journey to the end of the earth. Instead, they both find a new world outside of their prehistoric village. They soon find themselves wandering in Biblical times in Bible country. They met Cain and Abraham tending to their herd, and for the first time in their lives they get to ride at a high rate of speed in Abrahams one cow cart. Zed and Oh meet many people in their travels, and along the way, they are sold into slavery and end up in Sodom. Douglas Young (the-movie-guy) After being banished from their homeland, Zed and Oh (Jack Black and Michael Cera), two tribesmen, embark on a journey through their ancient world. Along the way, they encounter Adam and Eve (Harold Ramis and Rhoda Griffis), Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd), and Abraham (Hank Azaria). Viewers expecting a comedy along the lines of Ghostbusters or Knocked Up will be dissappointed becasue the style of this film is much more along the lines of the Monty Python movies.

Next is Transformers, which comes out next Wednesday the 24th. Everyone should know what that one is about. Its going to be amazing, no synopsis needed.

The other movies I want to see won't come out for another month or longer so I'm not going to put them on here just yet. I will save them for another boring day when I have nothing to write about. ha ha.

Where you lead me, I will follow, forever and a day.

Lately I am really feeling God working in my life. He's always been in my life and honestly I used to trust in Him a lot more then I do now, but after I went through some stuff for a long time where I really just felt that he wasn't around me anymore and he didn't care what happened to me, I sort of lost some of my faith for a bit.

Lately there have been some circumstances that have left me feeling adrift, lost, even disconnected and hopeless. I immediately started to pray and although I didn't feel better right away, I did feel less disconnected and more like I could trust that God would take care of me in my time of need. Its a strange feeling for some people to just trust that God loves them and to give all their problems and heartache and anything and everything else they have going on in their lives into His hands to take over and fix. He makes sense of the jumbled lives we lead. He undoes the knots and the kinks and he straightens out our path and makes it easy for us to follow again. He would do anything for us if only we had faith in him that he could and would do it.

That's pretty much what I did last week sometime. Crap was really getting hard, stressful, overwhelming and depressing and I was fed up feeling like that anymore. I just wanted peace and I wanted my mind to just stop for a second and not think about all the stuff that was going on. I didn't want to cry over anything or anyone again and I wanted to take charge of my life but only after it was OK to do so, meaning when he was done fixing it. lol.

So I prayed, a lot, and I talked to some people who had all the right words, and I started to notice little things starting to happen in my life just in the last week that I don't believe would have happened if I hadn't given all my problems to God and let him sort out my mess of a life. I have a joy that I didn't have before, that things will be OK and that however my life turns out, whether in my present or my future, I know that there is a bigger plan than I can see. I am a strong woman and I may even be stronger now than I was months ago. I am a Christian and I draw my strength from my God and his love for me keeps me going no matter what is going on in my life. I am going to be a business owner soon and I am going to start a whole new chapter of my life. Its going to be challenging and it will be exciting. I want to have financial security, just like everybody else, and this is the road that will lead to that. I am more confident in my abilities and in who I am and what I want to be, and I think that I love even more then I used to. I have a big heart and I just want to love and be loved.

Its so nice when I have eye opening moments in my life that make me think "how could I ever have doubted this?" It just makes me stronger and happier to know that I have something other people don't. It really reminds me of a song that I used to listen to when I was younger, there are some lyrics in it that ring true to what I believe and that's this: "Those here without the Lord how do you cope, for this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope."

When bad stuff happens to people who have no hope in anything, it baffles me how they can overcome things on their own with no help. If I didn't have something to keep hopeful about then I think I would mourn everything in a way that left no hope or chance for change.

Everything gets better a friend told me that recently. Whether talking about breaking up with someone and finding someone new, leaving a job and going someplace else, moving into a new house or just going through normal changes in our life, its in our nature to find something better until we find what we're looking for and then we can stop searching and finally be happy with what we have. We;re always striving for the next best thing, but sometimes what we have IS the next best thing and we don't even see it.

I encourage everybody to think hard about what you have and what you want to change in your life, trust that there's a bigger plan out there that you can't even imagine and that things will get better for you if you want them to and if you're not absolutely happy with what is standing right in front of you.

Playing mom for the weekend

I had a lot of fun with Izzy this weekend. Shes 7 years old and her mom Kristin is a single mother. Izzy's father doesn't have much rights to her so when Kristin left Friday afternoon for Chicago I came over after work to spend the weekend at their house. We painted our nails and toenails together the first night and then we went out for sushi to noble fish with my friend Brandon and then all three of us walked around downtown Royal Oak and saw a bunch of cool things like a live concert on Washington Ave and people walking their dogs, which Izzy just loved because shes an animal lover. It was weird sleeping in another persons bed, the only other time I haven't slept in my own bed other than hotels is in Dustin's bed.

The next day we woke up and ate breakfast together, Kristin went to culinary school and so her kitchen is decked out in all sorts of awesome kitchen gadgets, it was fun cooking in there. After that we walked to the park and than to a moving sale around the corner where I found some really awesome glasses to serve water in to my clients after a massage and a 6 foot tall, 3 panel screen that I am going to fix up and have in my spa for people to change behind.

After all that we hopped in my car and drove to my house where we then drove in my families car to my dad and grandma's birthday party at my Aunt and Uncle's house. Izzy had a blast playing with my cousin's 2 little kids and it was nice catching up with some of my cousins. I gave my massage card and info out to some of my family, most of them had no idea that I was even in massage school let alone that I would be graduating in 15 days or that I had a spa in my house lol. We stayed there for a long time, I think we left when it was close to 6pm and then we came back to my house and me and Izzy left to go to Lorraine's house to pick her. All three of us went back to Izzy's house and we had a little pizza and ice cream sleepover. It was nice that I wasn't lonely at all this weekend, especially Friday and Saturday night, my friends really know how to come through for me :)

Sunday we slept in a little and then we all got ready and left the house at 9:30am. I took Lori home and Izzy and I went to my church. She had so much fun in the kids room and the message was really laid back and short because it was done by a fellow pastor since the head pastor Tom was on vacation this week. We got out of there pretty early and headed back to my house. Izzy spent the afternoon playing with Candy Corn because she is obsessed with him now lol and then helping my mom weed in her garden and I spent time in the garage painting my wicker chair for my little "waiting area" in my spa. By the time I made lunch and then left the house and got back to her house in Royal Oak it was almost 4pm and there wasn't much time left until Kristin would be home so I brought my bike with me and Izzy and I went for a bike ride through downtown and then to a part on 4th ave until Kristin called me and told me she had gotten home around 5. Then it started raining ha ha, and so we rode our bikes as fast as we could and got back in record time.

Kristin had a lot of much needed fun in Chicago as well as having a little time away from her kid, which I'm sure all mothers need sometimes. Izzy was a perfect little kid with me the whole weekend, just like she always was, so I wasn't worried, I'm just glad I didn't have to spend this weekend all alone.

Winter Song

Music is therapeutic for the soul. Here is a song that has helped me through a lot. If you don't have it, download it. Its by Ingrid Michaelson.

Winter Song

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.

They say we're buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive? x 10

Blah blah blah is all I hear when you talk. lol

Going through some changes...gonna make the best of it. Things are not terrible right now, I have wonderful friends, people who love me and care about me, including you. We all go through changes in life all the time so that things better suit us. Its the natural progression of things. Why get broken up about everything when we're so young? And what about on the off chance things go back to the way they were? Then all that grief and angst was wasted. I believe, unless someone dies, don't waste your truly sad feelings on other losses. Its just not worth it. Live your life, and when shit happens, get a helmet and deal with it. 

I am so glad that I have massage to concentrate on when things start to go down hill. I am glad that I have a best friend who would come over to my house at any time of the day or night just to listen to me talk when things in my life suck and I am fortunate to have a job to fill my days and class to fill some of my nights. I have pulled through worse then this and as it was recently told to me...I apparently am a strong girl...which is awesome. I didn't feel strong, still kinda don't, but gosh darn doesn't it feel good to know that someone thinks I am? That I am even dare I say it, an influence to some people. If all women handled things the way I handle them, this world might be just a little better off in my opinion. I am going to be patient, I have a heart full of love and its just waiting for someone to open it and share with me the good stuff in life. Like laughter and yes some tears. But if we didn't have moments like this in our lives, where crap just seems so overwhelming that you don't know where to turn, then how the heck would we be able to cherish the really good moments. 

And its moments like this, that make me realize who I love, how I should live, with who I should spend my time and energy on, I've realized who really cares about me, and I finally agree that sometimes its healthy to have a really good, long and emotional cry. Sometimes you just hold so much in that the only way to feel light again and to feel right about things, is to just have a really good cry. I know I feel better. 

I'm going to go to church this weekend with little Isabella and I am going to worship because it makes me feel good and I am going to talk to people after church that I normally don't talk to. I'm going to laugh my ass off about stuff that is really funny and I'm not going to think about anything other than taking one day at a time and not and not rushing anything. I'm going to sit back and look at the flowers in my mom's garden at home and I'm going to spend more time at the library like I used to. I'm going to change my life around so it suits ME again, and not anyone else first. Its time to take care of myself for a change and stop trying to take care of other people first. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to help people, I became a massage therapist for a reason after all. Helping people is in my blood or something, can't explain it, so why should I anyway? I just do it and I'm happy that I can share what I have with the world, but if I just concentrate on other people solely, then I will slowly give all of myself to everyone else and not have anything left of my identity. I won't recognize myself anymore, and I do not want that to happen. 

Things will get better for sure, it might take a while but that's where my patience comes in, and they WILL get better, I assure you. Something will happen that will make all this worthwhile. Whether its finding someone new to add to my life, or adding someone old back into my life. Or becoming a different and better person and attracting new friends to my side, I will be OK damn it, because I choose to be :)

I love the smell of a fresh coat of paint

I finished my spa this morning! I started on Friday morning at around 9am by going to my awesomely close and cool neighborhood hardware store, DeRonnes and buying a gallon of "Beach Beige" paint and some other painting essentials like a drop cloth, some painters tape, a new paint roll, a new light switch cover to help update the basement a bit, some extension cords for my fake tree with the Christmas lights on it and my little lamp, and also some tack thingy to keep the cord on the floor and out of the way against the wall.

So I headed home and started painting around 10 am. About noon my dad came home for lunch and helped me move the old broken couch out of the basement and into his work truck to take to the dump and then I got back to painting. There was still a huge pile of crap in the middle of the basement but eventually I got all that moved into new spots too. About 2:30 I ran out of paint but still needed a double coat on the last wall so I had to go back to the store to get one more gallon of paint. I came back it was almost 3 so I stopped and washed out my brush and roller for more painting later. I wanted to finish but I had 2 massages scheduled at 4pm and 6 pm and I still needed to clean up my room a bit and get ready.

at 4 Jill came over and I gave her a massage. Shes a biker mama, shes real cool. Then at 6pm her daughter Shannon came over and I gave her a massage as well. After that it was around 8pm which meant it was time for me to go to pick up some furniture from a woman on craigslist that I was buying for my studio. I got over there and loaded up my moms Explorer with 2 metal coffee tables with glass tops, a book case made of pine and 2 silver painted lamps with white shades. I ended up driving to Dustin and Erik's new house to give them the coffee tables and the lamps because they were gonna take em anyway, whats the sense of bringing them to my house just to have to load them again and bring em over there another day.

After that I came home and it was about 10pm and I finished painting the basement put the lights on my fake tree, arranged all my new furniture, put my files in my new file cabinet and put together some flower arrangements to hang on the walls and did some other stuff. By the time I went to bed it was 1:15am and since I hadn't stayed up that late in a long time, I couldn't even keep my eyes open to even put my pj's on. I just collapsed on my bed and I was out.

when I woke up Saturday morning I moved some more furniture in my basement and then did another massage for Jill's friend and then after that I baked some muffins and then Dustin came over and we had dinner with my family and spent the evening together. All in all it was an eventful weekend and if I hadn't taken that Friday off of work I never would have gotten everything done. Its still not done really, I still have to put up some shades or curtains to separate my spa from the rest of the basement, but my dad is ordering me some bamboo shades soon and I will hang those up soon. I feel so blessed that things are working out for me. I even went online to look up some info on my city's website to see what the regulations for having a home business are and they don't have anything listed that I can't comply with. Plus the yearly fee is reasonable too at $150 to have my spa in my basement.

I know I say this alot, but I am so fricken excited.