Yay for Chicago!!

So its all settled. I am driving to Chicago on Thursday Aug. 6th in the morning or afternoon, hell maybe even the evening but I think I might want to go early just to maximize my time there.

I have a one day pass for Lollapalooza for that Saturday with the line up being: Atmosphere, Gomez, Coheed and Cambria, Glasvegas, Rise Against, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and Tool. And those are just the bands I WANT to see LOL...I'm so fricken excited! All that on Saturday and then if I really feel like it, which I'm sure I will, I think I'm going to buy another ticket for Sunday to see Sam Robert's Band, Kaiser Chiefs, The Raveonettes, Cold War Kids, Silversun Pickups, Jane's Addiction and The Killers. It will be a weekend to remember.

I am very lucky. My friends have a free parking spot for me at their loft in downtown Chicago and they said I can use it since they don't have a car. They are also going to buy me a 2 week pass for the L train so I can get around. They said I can stay as long as I want to so I am bringing my table with me and my oil and whatnot and I am going to try to stay for at least 3 weeks. It will be good having my car with me too so I can bring a bunch of stuff, like my massage table and my long board and my clothes IN my laundry baskets. Chances are I will be doing at least one load of laundry so I'm gonna make it easy on my self and bring my baskets to keep my crap in.

Speaking of long boards, I totally went on a downhill at the spillway near 16 and Harper last week and my board started to give me death wobbles and I tried to ditch the board but I was going way too fast and I fell off and dragged my knee while doing the splits, you heard that right. Now I have an overstretched and possibly torn knee ligament and I can't walk without limping like an idiot ha ha, oh well, my Dr. said to ice it, stay off it and wrap it once in a while and I'll be OK.

Calling MARVIN the first time this Monday morning! I am going to call right in the beginning of the hour so I can hopefully get through right away. Gotta go to the library today to return some books and then I am off to promote my business. I will be going to all sorts of places in SCS and Gross Pointe and handing my cards out to business owners to display in their shops. I am also going to go to salons and see if I can offer their clients massage if they don't already have the service their. Hopefully this will bring in some business.

I'm off to shower and then run my errands. I can't forget to do some knitting today as well seeing as I have to knit 10-20 hats for the skate shop for all the little skater boys for Christmas. If I wasn't being paid, I might not be doing it ha ha.

Long Boarding

I have become friends with the owner of Pigeon skate shop and him and I are going to be doing some long boarding today. He hooked me up with some ceramic barrings, really awesome wide yellow wheels and some Revenge Trucks. They have an external locking mechanism that allows for super tight turns with no need for riser pads resulting in a full circle on a board in less than 8 feet, all with no wheel bite! I am excited, I tried it out yesterday and it was awesome, I haven't turned that good in a while. I just need to trust my board more that I won't fall off when I carve.

So I have to give a massage at 2:30 with Jessica and then afterward I am calling Derek and we're going to go to the spillway at metro parkway and then we're going on the trails from there. I can't wait, I think its gonna be a lot of fun to finally long board with another person instead of alone. I have been practicing in parking lots when I can but it will be nice to see someone else's style so I can learn more about how to long board.

Movies!

OK! Here are the recent movies I want to see or buy!

First is Coraline. I saw the movie already in the theater and I want to buy it now when the DVD comes out on Tuesday July 21st. It was such an amazing book and movie that I really think I need to own it. There is also a lot of good memories attached to that movie. It was the first movie Dustin and I saw together and I remember having a really great time with him that night. I still have to get back my movie Repo! from him as well, probably won't ever see that again...but I can still try.

Another DVD that comes out when that one does is The Watchmen. I never got to see it in the theater because I didn't have anyone to go with. Not many people like that sort of movie but me. I might invite a few people over and we can watch it, people are generally more apt to see a movie that they don't have to pay for.

The next movie I really want to see is out in theaters now and its called (500) Days of Summer. Its about a story of boy that meets girl, begins the wry, probing narrator of '500 Days of Summer,' and with that the film takes off at breakneck speed into a funny, true-to-life and unique dissection of the unruly and unpredictable year-and-a-half of one young man's no-holds-barred love affair.

Tom, the boy, still believes, even in this cynical modern world, in the notion of a transforming, cosmically destined, lightning-strikes-once kind of love. Summer, the girl, doesn't. Not at all. But that doesn't stop Tom from going after her, again and again, like a modern Don Quixote, with all his might and courage. Suddenly, Tom is in love not just with a lovely, witty, intelligent woman - not that he minds any of that - but with the very idea of Summer, the very idea of a love that still has the power to shock the heart and stop the world. (that was copied and pasted from moviefone.com)

The only problem with this movie is that it isn't playing at any theaters near here. In fact it isn't at any theater in a 50 mile radius. So I might have to wait until that one comes out on DVD.

The next movie I want to see is a sad but strangely uplifting story about Sara and Brian, a married couple who are coasting through life with their young son and daughter when tragedy threatens to tear the family apart. Suddenly, their baby girl falls ill, and her only hope for survival rests in her parents' ability to find a compatible bone marrow donor. Desperate to save their daughter's life at any cost, Sara and Brian conceive another child in hopes that the baby will be a genetic match. But that decision raises a series of moral and ethical questions that rapidly begin to erode the foundation of the once-happy couple's relationship. Incensed upon learning that she was brought into this world for the singular purpose of prolonging the life of her ailing older sister, the young girl ultimately decides to sue her parents for the rights to her own body.

It brings up a lot of moral questions and it seems that it is going to be a good movie. Its at least playing nearby ha ha. It seems that there is a fair amount of movies that I will be able to see now that I am laid off. I'm sort of excited. Not sure if I like going alone to any of them, but you gotta do what you gotta do ;)

I'm on a boat!!

Last night I went on a boat for the first time in my life. It was really fun and the guy I was with taught me how to fish. I caught something too but it was only something small. I have some pictures of me on the boat...see below

The water was a bit choppy and I felt sick for a few minutes but then after I started to fish I felt fine! I really like boats now. I didn't go swimming because I had my new bikini on and I didn't know how I felt yet about being that naked in public but I did dip my fee tin the water from the back deck of the boat.

I was so tired too at the end of the day! Whew! I didn't even realize that boating and being out in the sun like that would tire me out so much, plus I had about a 45 minute drive home ahead of me so the idea of that really made my mind tired. All in all I had a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again soon, and next time I'm going to catch a big fish not just a small one!

I just finished putting my claim in for unemployment and so far so good. I have about 10 days before I need to call MARVIN for the first time and in the meantime I am going to working my ass off doing massage! I made like 6 appointments today alone for this weekend and then I have 5 or 6 other people who are interested and are just waiting on me to tell them my new hours and my rates, which I just gave them not long ago, so hopefully I can make a good amount of money to pay my bills in advance AND to pay for all my stuff in Chicago, which really will just be food and a ticket to get there.

So far my last day here has been good. I have almost everything cleaned out and off of my desk, I have my book that I'm going to spend the rest of my afternoon reading, and our accountant took me out to lunch since its my last day, that was nice of him. I think this place is great to work for, I just wish there was actual work for me to do that's all. So long OBARA Corp.! It was nice knowing you.

today...

has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I can't forget things as easier as I'd like. Memories are sometimes good but today they suck balls.

Mood= Sad, think I'll leave work early and go home to take a nap.

You're holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go, I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I don't understand why I feel so sad
Every time I see you out with someone new...

HP6

I totally saw HP6 on Sunday night with a few good friends. They won advanced screening tickets at a theater in Novi and so we all went and got to see the movie a few days before everyone else. The movie officially comes out tomorrow and my dad and I are going to see it together probably Thursday afternoon when we both get out of work. I think it was awesome, definitely one of the better ones so far. Its kind of sad that there's only one left now and then its all over. At least the last movie will be split up into 2 parts and so it will be stretched out longer.

I'm a complete dork, this I know.

The turn my life is taking

My life has slowly spinned out of my normal orbit and into a completely different one than I ever thought possible.

4 months ago I was happy, dating a guy I thought was wonderful and that I could very well spend a long time with because things seemed so great. I was going to school for massage therapy and had every intention of working for my teacher as a massage therapy slave for $15 a massage once I got my certification. I planned on staying at my day job and maybe quitting later in the year, maybe by fall. I was growing my hair out so that I could get it long again and also get my natural color back because the guy I was with liked it that way even though I kind of didn't. I always wanted to stay near my family in MI but there was also a longing to see other places and live in other states for a while and see what I could see on my own, I understood that I couldn't afford, nor could I take off time from work to go and live somewhere else for a while.

Oh how the tables have turned, but not in a bad way. Now I am single, having fun and "dating" a few different people instead of getting serious with any one person. I am becoming friends with people that are new and interesting and I'm not even nervous about the fact that I am putting myself out there in the world and into the unknown. I am finished with school and instead of being a lackey for someone else all the time, I'm actually owning my own business, have my own home spa and I'm taking clients and making money every week! Not only am I doing all this, but recently I decided to let my work lay me off and they want me to collect unemployment for as long as I need to. Now I will have my days free to promote my business and my nights free to do what I please. I already have a few ideas of things that I can do to promote my massage business, and some of them I have already set into motion. I got my hair trimmed a few weeks ago and dyed it a pretty red color and last night I got a bunch of highlights in it and it looks SO GOOD I am so happy with how it turned out. It makes my eyes pop out and the blue in them is more pronounced not to mention it makes my skin glow peachy :)

Probably the most amazing thing though that will happen will be starting the 2nd week of August. I will be buying a one way ticket to Chicago OR driving my car, I've yet to decide...and I will be staying there for a while with my friends in their apartment while handing out my resume to every place I can imagine. If I can find a job doing massage on the side for cash, or even *maybe* doing something else like another office job(as long as it pays well) I can stay in Chicago for a few months and work and I can get out of Michigan for a while and see how I handle really being away from my family and friends. This will be a huge step for me, but I am willing to try and see what adventures I can have on my own in a city like Chicago. Depending on how long I stay and how much money I can save/make I might also go to North Carolina and stay with my big brother for a little while. He misses me and I want to meet his new wife since we've become friends online.

Another big change that I am going to make this summer will be getting my first tattoo. I am planning the design right now and am almost done. It will symbolize who I am what I hope to be and it will be on my body in a place only I and those close to me will ever see. That will be happening next week or the week after.

So many changes my goodness! I am excited for this new adventure in my life and even though I'm still not over some past events and I still wish certain things had turned out differently, I am so blessed to be able to experience new stuff everyday. How lucky am I?

Wish me luck, or better yet don't, it seems that I already have all the luck I need :)

Its been a busy couple days thats for sure

I have been pretty busy this last week. I have been staying at work late every afternoon, trying to get as much money out of my work as I can before my lay off. Which means coming home at 4:30 or so and then doing a massage or two here and there and then going out with the guys and chillin at a bunch of different bike nights.

Wednesday we went to Dooley's on Gratiot, we're thinking of moving that though soon, its lamer then normal. Thursday night we went to Royal Oak and hung out for a bit, that place was packed, it seemed like every rider was out there that night. We ran into a few people we knew which was nice, and I finally say my future bike in person. Its new this year from Honda, its a CBR600RR. I can't decide if I want the white one with the 2 phoenix's on the side panel or if i want the green and black since I love green

Choices, choices. Realistically speaking it will be a very long time until I can get one, simply because I won't have a job and I will have to save up and pay it in cash since I won't be having a job for a long time.

Last night I went to John's for a bonfire with Jeff and a few of John's buddies. That was cool, except for the drive to and from Oxford. That was a bit rough. Beautiful drive but it was long and I could feel all the gas leaving my car and never coming back lol. I actually got a little drunk and smoked some things I probably shouldn't have and then stayed up until 4am. I usually don't stay up that late but damn did I have fun and I really haven't had a lot of fun lately in my life. some here and there but not like last night. I got to cook food for a bunch of people and then sit around a bonfire and drink and drink and have some good conversation. Frankly it was just what I needed.

So the unemployment thing is slowly starting to make a little sense. I will hopefully not have to go without a paycheck for that long, assuming the state gets their shit together and sends me my check in a timely manner. If not its not so bad, I made $200 yesterday from clients and then my last 2 weeks at Obara will give me big fat paychecks since I have worked extra hours.

So being single isn't looking to be as bad as I thought, sure I don't get to have an intimate relationship with someone, but what has that ever really gotten me anyway. I kind of like having fun, not caring much about who I'm with and just going with the flow. But on the downside, I also crave some of the cuddle time and little sweet kisses with someone that really matters, plus when all my non single friends get together with me I feel a little left out. Not cool.

All will work itself out in the end.

Overall good weekend so far and its only going to get better. Today at 4pm my friend is coming to get me and we're driving to Novi with a few of our other friends and we're going to the early premiere of the new Harry Potter movie. they won tickets and invited me along since they know I'm a closet HP freak. The movie doesn't come to theatres until Wednesday so I am so fricken excited I am grinning like an idiot. Its slightly bitter sweet though since I had planned to go to The Bank with Ashley and (possibly) AJ tonight for my friend Jeff's release party but the movie starts right when the party starts at 7pm so its impossible. I was really excited to get all dressed hot and bother some boys tonight ;P

HP is better anyway. Hands down.

Massage time then shower then HP baby! have a great Sunday ya'll.

Laid off...

So my boss pulled me into the conference room this morning and talked to me about my impending lay off, he says that my last day is next Friday. I am happy because this means that I can now concentrate on my business but not happy because now I won't have a dependable income.

I have been through worse in my life, I'm sure I can get through this with no problem, but I am finding it hard to get all the info straight on what I need to do and how I need to do it to begin collecting unemployment. I have questions that I can't find answers to on the MI unemployment website and I tried calling the office today only to be put on hole for almost 45 minutes and I had to hang up because I had to go get lunch.

So now I don't know if I can file a claim since I'm not unemployed yet, and there's no one that can tell me.

I hate this state. I'm moving.

Unexpected

A few unexpected things happened yesterday night and this morning. The first happened last night, I met a guy at Kinko's on Gratiot and we started talking and ended up at Starbucks across the street for tea.

His name is Kyle, he is an intern for 2 Detroit radio stations and he goes to Specs Howard. He is 25, kinda geeky in a cool way, loves music and we actually had a lot to talk about. He is originally from VA and moved here 4 months ago for school. He is lonely seeing as all his friends live in another state so I offered to show him around town one of these days and take him to a bunch of cool places. He finds it amazing that I like to long board, I enjoy cooking, I'm a massage therapist who loves motorcycles, and I apparently am beautiful. I think that him and I will be very good friends, he seems like the kind of person I could talk to about anything. He also seems to be in a similar situation as I find myself so it was nice to talk to someone who understands.

So here's to meeting new people, striking up new friendships and broadening my horizons.

The next unexpected thing is that my cousin Kim called me out of the blue today and started up a conversation with me. She congratulated me on my graduation from school and asked how I was doing with the whole break up thing and all. I told her that I am doing really great actually and that I am moving on well enough in spite of all that happened. I don't usually talk to or see my cousin except for maybe once or twice a year at the usual family get together for my dads side of the family, so it was really unusual to me, but she had a lot to say by way of advice and encouragement for what I'm going through right now that really hit home and that most people in my life right now who really know me, STILL haven't been able to do.

People say "oh its OK, you'll find someone new, you deserve better, hes a jerk" blah blah blah. Even if I did find someone better, someone who was everything he wasn't, that still doesn't mean they will think that I have everything to offer that they want in a woman. That still doesn't mean 5 months into things that they won't up and leave without telling me why or what I did wrong. Who is to say that I don't go through 10 more guys who are all great and they are perfect for me and yeah I may fall in love, but none of that matters if they can't stick around, or get scared off by someone that loves them.

She said something that made so much sense to me that I can't believe that I didn't think of it before on my own. She said that she knows what I'm going through because she went through the same thing. We find someone that really makes our lives worthwhile and we love that person with all we have because we don't like to do anything half ass and we put everything we have into the relationship and then things go bad when the other person doesn't put nearly as much into it as we do. We feel jipped, taken advantage of and short changed. Its not fair that I put more of my heart into mine and Dustin's relationship than he did because in the end, its only the one that really was in love that gets hurt while the other one goes off scott free and clear with no hurt feelings to be had.

What she said really made a difference in my head. She also says that she decided to play the field, and that I should try it. I like the idea of not getting serious with anyone and being friends with someone for a year or so before I make a move to take a step towards being in a romantic relationship with that person. Its better than dating one guy alone and getting my heart broken again and it beats giving up entirely and convincing myself that there isn't really a guy out there that isn't a jerk.

She said that the right guy will come along, and it may be someone that is right in front of my face this whole time, or it could be someone new, but when it happens I'll know it and its important to be friends first before anything happens. I really loved Dustin even though he didn't love me as much, and I really wish we could have just been friends instead of ever dating. Not only would my heart be intact, but he would still be in my life right now and we would be having fun again like we used to, or at least I thought we used to have fun. Now I have no one to long board with, no one to play scrabble with, no house to help fix up, no one to bounce ideas off of when doing creative projects and no one to cook for...I lost more then a lover, I lost a friend.

The biggest mistake you can make is to be apart from a friend you once had the time of your life with.

Fan Fricken Tastic

I just saw this on Instructables.com, kinda wish I could have used it, or maybe someone else could have used it...

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Break-Up/

It actually helped me a lot to read it, I was surprised. I know that during the break up with Dustin he didn't really do many of the things that he could have to make things easier on him, or me and its probably because of that fact, that my self confidence is at an all time low. Fortunately because I'm not a weak minded fool of a woman I have had my sad moments and teary eyes and I am now on my way to bigger and better things. Kinda bummed that he felt he couldn't trust me, and felt like he had to lie to me about what he was feeling...I wish I would have just known what he was thinking when I first asked him and than we could have just moved on and not had any broken feelings about it. Maybe then we would still be friends.

Lesson learned, for me at least...hopefully for him too so he doesn't do this to another unsuspecting girlfriend.

good days and bad

yesterday was a good day. I got my hair cut and colored, I am now sporting a dark red do with a few low lights and a few layers. I LOVE it. It opens up my face and it brings out my eyes. Its super cute, don't know how long I will have it for, I might go back next month and get a all over dark with highlights or maybe a nice dirty blond, that's like the only color I haven't done yet.

After that I went and hung out with Jessica for a little bit and we talked about me working for her, she thinks that I'm going to steal her clients or something, which is ludicrous and she knows it. I think that maybe I'm better than her at massage and shes afraid that her clients will ask me to do them at my house or theirs and then she won't get a cut. I told her I'd never do that to her, which is true, so shes thinking about it. She has a hard time trusting people I think, especially when it comes to the business.

After that I met my friend Brandon at the park and we talked and listened to music for a while before it got too late. Then I went home and packed all the things that remind me of Dustin into a very large and thick boot box that I had lying around. It is now in the bottom of my closet. I couldn't do this with my guinea pig though, he wouldn't stand for it, so I have to keep him around until I can find a place for him. He's pretty cute, I might keep him, we'll see. He's already chewed through both my phone charger and my iPod headphones so I'll have to think on it.

Today hasn't been a good day. But tomorrow, tomorrow will, I'll make sure of it.

Untitled

I wish I was stronger than this. I wish I could be happy again.

Biker dudes, 4th of July fireworks and graduation parties abound

I am going to be leaving in a few minutes to go riding with a few people from my church to Port Huron and back but I wanted to get this out while I have the chance. I am excited for the ride, I love riding on the back of a bike and just relaxing, letting the wind toss my hair around my head and make me feel so free. I cannot wait until I can afford another bike, it looks like it might be a while though, with the spa and all, I probably won't be able to afford any "toys" for myself for a long time. That's OK though cause I should only be concentrating on my business for now anyway.

This entire weekend I had so much fun!! Thursday night was my graduation party at Buca di Beppo and then afterward we all went to The Box Bar and Grill for some cheap beer and dancing. That was a lot of fun and I can't believe how late I stayed out but its OK because I had the next day off work. I met a guy that night that my friend Jessica has been trying to get me to meet since before I met Dustin, in fact, I actually ditched out on my date with him the night I was supposed to meet him for the first time because I had met Dustin a day or 2 before and really liked him from the start and thought I might be able to have something with him. Cory understood and said it was fine and wished me luck, and well, here I am 5 months later, single, with my heart broken by a guy who has not been honest with me and who is a coward who can't even talk to me face to face.

I feel like just another ex of his. He talks about them like their crazy and I think of myself and I know I'm not like that. What possible reason could he have had for ending things...He couldn't even give me a good excuse as to why we can't be together, which is harder than having the truth because now I'm second guessing myself at every turn. Am I pretty enough for him? If I'm not than does that mean that I'm not going to be for any other guy that I end up falling for? Was I not good enough in bed? Will I ever find someone that can love my body the way it is? I'm not thin by any means, maybe I wasn't in good enough shape for him... Did I miss him too much when he wasn't around? Did I love him TOO much, could it be that I just have more love in my heart for him than he could or would ever have had for me?

Maybe I offered him too much help with things and that annoyed him, maybe in the future I shouldn't offer anyone help with anything and just let them fend for themselves. Maybe guys just fall out of love one day with the girls their with and there's no explanation, there's no reason for it. Or maybe he found someone else and she's better at everything than I am.

Maybe he'll regret breaking up with me later down the line and realize what he had right in front of him, but maybe not. I only asked for the truth, and honesty from the very beginning and he couldn't even give me that even at the very end. I tried so hard and maybe that was the problem. I'll never know because he probably won't talk to me ever again, that seems more likely than anything else I'm written.

So that's where I'm at. Trying to make sense of all this mess I find myself in, trying to date again even with a shattered heart that needs answers more then mending right now. And yet...I don't want answers because that would mean talking to him. If that is the only option than this is something I can work out myself. The task before me is set, to build up my confidence again to where it was before I let men into my heart.

I'm sick and tired of dating guys that make me think they care in the beginning just to find out later that they don't anymore but are too afraid to say something. I have deleted everything that reminds me of Dustin so that I don't have anything to cry over anymore. I have taken his number out of my phone, deleted his emails and address and put away everything he has given me when he "loved" me. The notes, the cards, the fortune cookies and the cd's. One day soon I am sure I will be able to look at all of it and smile, remember the good times we had and I'm so sure it won't hurt at all that I'm almost looking forward to that day. Only than will I be back to me.