His name is Kyle, he is an intern for 2 Detroit radio stations and he goes to Specs Howard. He is 25, kinda geeky in a cool way, loves music and we actually had a lot to talk about. He is originally from VA and moved here 4 months ago for school. He is lonely seeing as all his friends live in another state so I offered to show him around town one of these days and take him to a bunch of cool places. He finds it amazing that I like to long board, I enjoy cooking, I'm a massage therapist who loves motorcycles, and I apparently am beautiful. I think that him and I will be very good friends, he seems like the kind of person I could talk to about anything. He also seems to be in a similar situation as I find myself so it was nice to talk to someone who understands.
So here's to meeting new people, striking up new friendships and broadening my horizons.
The next unexpected thing is that my cousin Kim called me out of the blue today and started up a conversation with me. She congratulated me on my graduation from school and asked how I was doing with the whole break up thing and all. I told her that I am doing really great actually and that I am moving on well enough in spite of all that happened. I don't usually talk to or see my cousin except for maybe once or twice a year at the usual family get together for my dads side of the family, so it was really unusual to me, but she had a lot to say by way of advice and encouragement for what I'm going through right now that really hit home and that most people in my life right now who really know me, STILL haven't been able to do.
People say "oh its OK, you'll find someone new, you deserve better, hes a jerk" blah blah blah. Even if I did find someone better, someone who was everything he wasn't, that still doesn't mean they will think that I have everything to offer that they want in a woman. That still doesn't mean 5 months into things that they won't up and leave without telling me why or what I did wrong. Who is to say that I don't go through 10 more guys who are all great and they are perfect for me and yeah I may fall in love, but none of that matters if they can't stick around, or get scared off by someone that loves them.
She said something that made so much sense to me that I can't believe that I didn't think of it before on my own. She said that she knows what I'm going through because she went through the same thing. We find someone that really makes our lives worthwhile and we love that person with all we have because we don't like to do anything half ass and we put everything we have into the relationship and then things go bad when the other person doesn't put nearly as much into it as we do. We feel jipped, taken advantage of and short changed. Its not fair that I put more of my heart into mine and Dustin's relationship than he did because in the end, its only the one that really was in love that gets hurt while the other one goes off scott free and clear with no hurt feelings to be had.
What she said really made a difference in my head. She also says that she decided to play the field, and that I should try it. I like the idea of not getting serious with anyone and being friends with someone for a year or so before I make a move to take a step towards being in a romantic relationship with that person. Its better than dating one guy alone and getting my heart broken again and it beats giving up entirely and convincing myself that there isn't really a guy out there that isn't a jerk.
She said that the right guy will come along, and it may be someone that is right in front of my face this whole time, or it could be someone new, but when it happens I'll know it and its important to be friends first before anything happens. I really loved Dustin even though he didn't love me as much, and I really wish we could have just been friends instead of ever dating. Not only would my heart be intact, but he would still be in my life right now and we would be having fun again like we used to, or at least I thought we used to have fun. Now I have no one to long board with, no one to play scrabble with, no house to help fix up, no one to bounce ideas off of when doing creative projects and no one to cook for...I lost more then a lover, I lost a friend.
The biggest mistake you can make is to be apart from a friend you once had the time of your life with.
No comments:
Post a Comment