Monday, March 30, 2009

Oh the drama!

holy crap LOL

I was on line talking to Shawna and I mentioned how I had completely forgot to tell her that I decided since I'm going to be Jessica's partner at the spa that she let me name it and I said that I picked Bella Sante Spa because I thought of it one night with Shawna at the Library after I told her I wanted to open my own place to do massage one day.

So she completely freaked out, told me I was an ass because SHE thought of that name and it wasn't mine to use, which is completely untrue and then proceeded to call me every name in the book, tell me that I was a horrible, unoriginal friend, and then told me that we're no longer friends, that I can go to hell, and that she was blocking me on yahoo messenger...LOL

I found the entire thing comical and I actually began laughing out loud at work while she was typing all this to me. How could a 30 year old woman who's supposed been through as much as she says she's been through(the jury's still out on her, she tends to lie about things I'm noticing...)be married and have four children, in an abusive relationship and still be so immature as to have a hissy fit over something as simple as the usage of a name that SOMEONE ELSE thought of, then on top of that end the only friendship she really had with someone. Just to prove she was right? Just to be a bitch? I just don't get it! Ha Ha. you'd think that she would have more to worry about then that. Like...oh I don't know, maybe how shes going to take care of her 4 kids now that she has finally left her husband and come home? (only after being threatened by the state to have her children taken away because of evidence of physical abuse, mind you) It's sad when a woman like her gets to live free and clear when there's other women out there who deserve their freedom who actually FIGHT for their lives everyday. If I was her I'd be trying to make friends, not lose them.

So I told her that its not like we're the only ones who thought of that name, there's like 5 other businesses in the country with the name already, and not to mention I thought of it because I told her I was going to go to massage school soon and wanted to open my own place one day. She didn't show any interest in using the name, nor did she mention an interest in learning massage or anything of that nature, as if she would lower herself to touch someone else's body anyway.

So I didn't want to fight with her even thought there's been a lot that I wanted to say to her for years because she just seems so stupid compared to a normal person...I just told her I hoped she got what she deserved, (karma is a bitch after all), and that I hoped her moms current situation turned out for the better, (cancer is never anything to joke about) and something I wished I had said but didn't was that I hoped her kids wouldn't ever remember what a horrible man their daddy was and because of all the things he did to them, when they woke up with nightmares about being kicked by their daddy, they didn't blame her because she just didn't have the guts to leave him. Mothers are supposed to protect their children. Not put them in harms way then turn their backs on them.

Well she didn't like any of that one bit. And if I was such a horrible friend why did I stick around and give her emotional support when she was dealing with an abusive husband while at the same time having an affair behind her husbands back with 2 men! When she had no one to talk to in Texas because her stupid ass followed him down there ALONE knowing full well that he was just going to be the same abusive asshole she had married, I called her all the time to make sure she was all right and to make sure there wasn't anything I could do. I almost bought her a plane ticket to come home when he cut off all her funds and tried to kill her! And then to top it off she eventually brought her children back into that environment by dragging them out of school and down to Texas with her! 

All she ever talked about was all these other men, all the sex she was having in her multiple affairs, all the stuff she had bought and all the money she was using of her husbands. I knew she was a spoiled rich-bitch when I went into the friendship and I also knew that she thought I was beneath her from the beginning. But I could tell she was lonely and needed someone to tell all her problems to and so I decided I would be an open ear for her. I even remember a few days when I wanted to look nice for work and I would curl my hair or wear a dress I just bought and she would tell me I looked fat, or that you could see my underwear lines, or that I should have done my hair a different way. It was like no one was allowed to look their best when she was nearby or the attention would be off of her for a moment and we can't have that now can we! 

I felt so bad for her too. This woman spends more time in the bathroom putting on the right jeans and top to hide her huge ass and fat stomach so that she can feel beautiful. She spent more on makeup then I have in a paycheck. I don't wear makeup, and I don't hide my full figure and so far it's gotten me into better relationships then her any day of the week! I know I'm beautiful without anything to enhance my features. I love that about myself. She hated that in me. I was always happy about the way I looked, but nothing can make a woman so miserable as her happy for even a moment.

When it just finally got to be too much for me, and I could tell that she actually enjoyed being in the position she was in with all the drama and all the lies and that she seemed to like being under the control of her abusive husband because he bought her expensive things, and even after trying to tell her to leave him and come home, something her family had been telling her fora long time, then I stopped trying. I stopped worrying if she was even alive, I stopped calling and telling her that she deserved better. Being her friend was absolutely, the most exhausting experience of my entire life. 

In many ways I am glad our friendship is finally over. She was never a good friend to me, she never helped me with any of the problems I had, she only cared about herself. It was fun sometimes being her friend, but the negative definitely outweighed the positive.

My room is almost complete!

My shelves are done! My shelves are done!

My awesome, handy with any tool boyfriend made them for me and they are awesome! I helped a little, mostly holding things down as he was cutting with the circular saw, and handing him tools as he needed them. Oh and I paid for 98% of the stuff ha ha. I could tell later on when it was getting late and we were trying to finish up, that all I was really doing was annoying him so I stopped what little helping I was doing lol. I'm not good at building things and I really don't know anything about anything when it comes to tools and holding things straight and putting screws/nails in, so I just stood by and watched. No sense in making more of a fool outta myself AND annoying my man.

Now the shelves are in my closet and I was able to clear out all the clothes hanging in there and like 3 of my dresser drawers so that i could put all of those things folded neatly in my new shelving unit. I am excited. My next project idea is going to be to put more shelves, made the same way as my new ones, in the other part of my closet where my dresser now sits. I put my dresser in there to save space in the rest of my room since i have my massage table in my bedroom now and so far it has worked out really well but I think if i put more shelves in my closet, then i can put ALL my clothes in them AND have room for my jewelry box, my massage stuff, my purses, maybe even my cook books. Then everything will be localized and I can free up even more space in my room. I just wish I had a bigger closet lol.

So my work is finally putting me on part time starting next week. I will be leaving an hour and a half earlier every day. I still will make enough to pay my bills. I will just have to save my money more and watch my spending habits more closely. Something I've never really had to do before now. I have to come up with my last 2 tuition payments for massage school and a bunch of money for my Chicago trip with the boyfriend in May. I think it will be OK, I just need to save my money.

I'm using my work computer so it's back to work I guess!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

One step closer to my dream

I had my first pseudo client last night for a massage. Her wedding is coming up soon and she has been stressed because of it I'm sure so I offered to practice on her and since I don't charge anything, she said heck yeah.

She's a girl I went to private school with and then high school but we were never really friends because she was super popular and I was a total geek/freak. There was a short time, maybe I think around 8th grade where the popular girls shunned her for a period of time because they were all back stabbing bitches in the day, and she and I bonded for a bit because she only lived a few blocks away and she had no one else to talk to. 

All my friends who were also geeks/freaks were upset that I would even talk to her after all the crap she had done to me, and I took a lot of flack for it, but being in the position I was in, I knew exactly what she was going through and I remember not having anyone to sit with at lunch, or to talk to at recess. I'm sure to her, I was better then having no one and so we became friends and found out that we actually had a ton in common. 

Not only did I play on her soccer team outside of school but we lived only a few blocks from each other and both had pools in our backyards. We would swim and have sleepovers and ride our bikes around. Then came 8th grade graduation and I never saw her again(because she went to a different high school her freshman year) until 10th grade when she transferred to my public high school. we talked on the first day during orientation, mainly because she didn't know anyone else, and then after that we never really talked again. until yesterday. 

Now I'm not saying we're going to become friends again like we were in 8th grade, I mean the woman has enough on her mind with her wedding day closing in and all, and she probably has no time to be making new friends but it was nice to catch up with her and to see what shes been up to the past few years. Its amazing how people get old and grow apart or how they get old and grow closer. Friends are a funny thing

Monday, March 23, 2009

Weekend Fun

Had a wonderful weekend. Got to see my man most of the weekend and we spent some quality time together. Took my pet guinea pig Candy Corn to the vet because he was sneezing, and got him some antibiotics. He doesn't care too much for strawberries, but he likes spinich and parsley. He's so cute and fluffy. 

This morning I caught him on top of his house smooshed between that and the top of his cage. He was chipring away and I came closer to his cage and he was just looking at me with a look that said "hey mom look what I can do!" ha ha. So adorable, then I said to him "hey, get down from there" and he jumped down right away and started whisteling at me. Poor guy, I think he knows when Iwake up in the morning that I have to leave for work, and thats when he is the most talkitive, in the AM. Its like he doesn't want me to go to work, but instead just stay home and play with him lol.
One day I will be able to. 

I'm searching for other jobs although I think it might be in my best interest to just stay where I'm at. I know my job well enough, I get to play online all day and since we're slow now I can have more chill time, I'm getting paid well and its close to home. The odds of me finding something as good as where I'm at, BEFORE i start the whole massage thing, is pretty slim. Not to mention if all goes according to plan, I won't even be here by the end of the year. I just want to do massage and then maybe if need be, get a small part time job to supplement any money I'm not making from massage. As long as I can pay my bills, which will hopefully be smaller soon lol, then I think I can handle not having a full time job. I shall see.

At the office now in fact, should probably do my Monday morning work. Not much else to do but it will keep me busy for an hour or two. Can't wait to watch the season finale of Big Love tonight. And to give an old friend a massage. It'll be a nice time to catch up on the last 7 years we haven't spoken. 

Monday's aren't all bad. 

Sunday, March 22, 2009

My life so far

I am a student in massage school, and I am excited about the new direction my life is taking me in. I work in an office setting and I am starting to feel like I am becoming just another drone. I want to break free from the mold and make my own hours, sleep when I want, work when I want, eat when I want and have fun doing what I want. I have a right to be happy, this is my life.

I want to find a man who can handle a real woman. I have curves, I can be a bitch, but I can also be the sweetest person you know. I want a man who doesn't expect anything from me that I cannot give him and I will not expect anything from him that isn't in his power to do. We have to be equal but he also needs to make me feel like I am being taken care of. I want a passionate man who knows what he wants in life and how to achieve happiness.

I basically want the impossible, but don't I deserve it? Don't we all deserve someone who fits perfectly with us like a corresponding shape? Like a puzzle piece? I think so. I also believe everything happens for a reason, and there's a greater plan out there then we realize. We are just pawns in a chess game, and very large, very intricate chess game between two grandmasters. I've never even played chess...but I am going to win this one.