Bree

My semi new life

2010-10-12T06:04:00.001-07:00

Well, I got married! August 22nd of this year I married my best friend and I am now the happiest woman alive. I have everything I ever dreamed of and I am so glad that God didn't make me wait long before he put Donny in my life.

I'm going to try to start updating this blog on a semi regular basis, we'll see how far I get with that lol. As for right now, I have to go grocery shopping and then come home and put dinner in the crock pot and then head over to the sisters house. Busy day ahead of me, but boy do I love it.

I'm back!

2009-08-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

Ran out of money but boy did I have fun doing it ha ha!!

I went to so many amazing places! I went to a jazz club that was owned by Al Capone before he went to prison and it is called Green Mill.

The picture is from our table up in front which were were so lucky to snap up just in time before the place got super packed and that's the band, they were called Saber tooth and their setting up their stuff. This place didn't close until 5am! Luke and I left around 4:30 and got back to the apt. around 5 so needless to say we didn't get much sleep that...morning ha ha.

I am so glad to be back, I have so much work to do! I've been making good money with the massage thing and I want to do more promoting this week for my business. Really looking forward to it.

Planning my 25th birthday! I know its early but come on! I have like 3 parties to plan lol. I never do things small ya know? I love over the top, especially if it is my birthday. I have a bunch of great ideas, I can't just choose one so I'm doing them all!

There's 3 or 4 weekends of things to do in October so I want them all!! First I want to take a few girlfriends on a roadtrip to Chicago and party for a weekend, then when we get back I want to throw a huge party at a nearby bar for EVERYONE I know, then the following weekend I want to buy tickets for all my friends to go see Theatre Bizarre in Detroit on October 24th, the next weekend is Halloween, my favorite holiday of all time and I want to throw a costume party at someones house, don't know who yet lol.

It's good to be home, but I miss the constant partying in Chicago. I went to after parties, and after parties to the after parties. I met a bunch of bands that were at Lolla and I actually had a blast dressing up and going out every night until 5am. I never realized until my trip but I am sort of a party girl. Interesting...

Chi town and all her wonders!

2009-08-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

Bought some amazing music from a place called Reckless Records, spent a pretty penny and got myself a shit ton of used and new CD's that were on a list my friend Luke made me. I have listened to most of it by now and I am loving this new sound. There are a ton of groups I've never heard and then a few I have that I already have the music for. Lots of foreign groups and people which is cool, some from Norway and Sweden, more mellow stuff, then a few Chicago natives/locals that are really amazing. Luke seems to believe that if I listen to even half the bands that he gave me on the list, my life will be changed and the way I listen to music will change forever, well I'm up for a little change so bring it on!

Today, in fact in like 30 minutes, I will be going to the Art Institute of Chicago for a few hours to browse around their collection and then tomorrow I will be going to a place called Green Mills. Its a jazz bar that Al Capone used to own and I get to dress up in one of the new outfits I bought myself at Macy's a few days ago.

Anyway, Pics are up on my MS and FB if anyone is interested! Going to head to the Museum now, looking forward to it, good times, good times :)

Chicago Trip Pt. 2

2009-08-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in Chicago, I was here a few months ago with the ex. I didn't have nearly as much fun back in May during the 4 days we were here. This week has been incredible. We've gone to SO many cool places and I haven't even started the stuff that I want to do yet. I am going to the beach in a day or 2, tomorrow I am getting paid so I'll be heading back to the mag. mile to do a little shopping and to the natural history museum, the art institute, navy pier, the aquarium and the Lincoln park zoo.

Lollapalozza was intense, totally awesome and worthwhile.

That was the Coheed and Cambria show, I didn't get pictures of Atmosphere which was right before Coheed but they were amazing as well, they had a great crowd. After Coheed was Rise Against who are Chicago Natives and they had a HUGE crowd of Chi town support, then Tool which basically everyone at Lolla went to. Amazing.

I wanted to go Sunday too so I could see The killers and Jane's addiction but we decided to meet up with my friend Angela and go to the bar with her and her man. It was called the River Shannon, they have free Wii and board games and all sorts of cool and fun things to do.

That is Angie and I.

She's going to school to be a massage therapist so she is going to practice on me tonight, w00t w00t for me. I need it. I've been doing a little work while here, mainly on the dudes I'm staying with, so I'm a bit tense in the shoulder area and what not. My knee is getting better though, we've been taking the L train or the bus everywhere so we're not wasting my gas and paying for parking, its been pretty rad so far.

I'm at a Cafe right now in Pilson that has Internet, although not very good Internet lol. Its 103 degrees here today and so we're just trying to stay out of the sun.

Well I'm off to update my other crap.

Peace

parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme

2009-08-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(On the side of a hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Tracing a sparrow on snow-crested ground)
Without no seams nor needlework
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she'll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)

Tell her to find me an acre of land
(On the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Washes the ground with so many tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strand
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Tell her to reap it in a sickle of leather
(War bellows, blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And to gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause they've long ago forgotten)
Then she'll be a true love of mine

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Scarborough Fair
P. Simon/A. Garfunkel, 1966

a few changes to the trip

2009-08-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

so now I am staying in Chicago for a while and then I'm driving down to Pittsboro, NC to stay with my big brother and his new wife and family for a while. I am excited, I haven't seen him in a while and from what I can tell he has changed and is different then when I last talked to him. He was knee deep in a cult thing that really messed him up for a while but since leaving his last wife who was the instigator of all that, and marrying Dawn who is so far really great in my opinion, he has changed for the better it seems.

I cannot wait to go swimming in the ocean. I am going to collect seashells and rocks off the beach and just really connect with the ocean for the first time. This is one of those things that I just really need to do, see the ocean. Can't see the Pacific right now lol, so the Atlantic will do :)

I emailed the ex, and surprise surprise he never wrote back OR gave me my movie that I left at his place before we broke up. I never would have left it there either if I had known what he was up to but I was naive and thought we'd be together for a while. Anyway, I really wanted to watch it with Derek and then take it to Chicago and then let me brother watch it in NC since hes a fan of stuff like that, but now I can't do any of that :( I really don't want to buy another copy, especially since it was kind of an expensive movie the first time around. Gotta save my money for gas and all.

Well it looks like its a go for the teaching in the fall. It will be right around my birthday so that's cool, what a good gift to myself! I also am going to be getting a building in the spring/summer if all goes OK with the classes and whatnot in the winter, that way I can have room for all my students. Lots of good things are happening to me, I feel like its about time, but I also am trying to stay humble. I am very blessed. :)

Yay for Chicago!!

2009-07-25T09:06:00.001-07:00

So its all settled. I am driving to Chicago on Thursday Aug. 6th in the morning or afternoon, hell maybe even the evening but I think I might want to go early just to maximize my time there.

I have a one day pass for Lollapalooza for that Saturday with the line up being: Atmosphere, Gomez, Coheed and Cambria, Glasvegas, Rise Against, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs and Tool. And those are just the bands I WANT to see LOL...I'm so fricken excited! All that on Saturday and then if I really feel like it, which I'm sure I will, I think I'm going to buy another ticket for Sunday to see Sam Robert's Band, Kaiser Chiefs, The Raveonettes, Cold War Kids, Silversun Pickups, Jane's Addiction and The Killers. It will be a weekend to remember.

I am very lucky. My friends have a free parking spot for me at their loft in downtown Chicago and they said I can use it since they don't have a car. They are also going to buy me a 2 week pass for the L train so I can get around. They said I can stay as long as I want to so I am bringing my table with me and my oil and whatnot and I am going to try to stay for at least 3 weeks. It will be good having my car with me too so I can bring a bunch of stuff, like my massage table and my long board and my clothes IN my laundry baskets. Chances are I will be doing at least one load of laundry so I'm gonna make it easy on my self and bring my baskets to keep my crap in.

Speaking of long boards, I totally went on a downhill at the spillway near 16 and Harper last week and my board started to give me death wobbles and I tried to ditch the board but I was going way too fast and I fell off and dragged my knee while doing the splits, you heard that right. Now I have an overstretched and possibly torn knee ligament and I can't walk without limping like an idiot ha ha, oh well, my Dr. said to ice it, stay off it and wrap it once in a while and I'll be OK.

Calling MARVIN the first time this Monday morning! I am going to call right in the beginning of the hour so I can hopefully get through right away. Gotta go to the library today to return some books and then I am off to promote my business. I will be going to all sorts of places in SCS and Gross Pointe and handing my cards out to business owners to display in their shops. I am also going to go to salons and see if I can offer their clients massage if they don't already have the service their. Hopefully this will bring in some business.

I'm off to shower and then run my errands. I can't forget to do some knitting today as well seeing as I have to knit 10-20 hats for the skate shop for all the little skater boys for Christmas. If I wasn't being paid, I might not be doing it ha ha.

Long Boarding

2009-07-18T08:08:00.003-07:00

I have become friends with the owner of Pigeon skate shop and him and I are going to be doing some long boarding today. He hooked me up with some ceramic barrings, really awesome wide yellow wheels and some Revenge Trucks. They have an external locking mechanism that allows for super tight turns with no need for riser pads resulting in a full circle on a board in less than 8 feet, all with no wheel bite! I am excited, I tried it out yesterday and it was awesome, I haven't turned that good in a while. I just need to trust my board more that I won't fall off when I carve.

So I have to give a massage at 2:30 with Jessica and then afterward I am calling Derek and we're going to go to the spillway at metro parkway and then we're going on the trails from there. I can't wait, I think its gonna be a lot of fun to finally long board with another person instead of alone. I have been practicing in parking lots when I can but it will be nice to see someone else's style so I can learn more about how to long board.

Movies!

2009-07-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

OK! Here are the recent movies I want to see or buy!

First is Coraline. I saw the movie already in the theater and I want to buy it now when the DVD comes out on Tuesday July 21st. It was such an amazing book and movie that I really think I need to own it. There is also a lot of good memories attached to that movie. It was the first movie Dustin and I saw together and I remember having a really great time with him that night. I still have to get back my movie Repo! from him as well, probably won't ever see that again...but I can still try.

Another DVD that comes out when that one does is The Watchmen. I never got to see it in the theater because I didn't have anyone to go with. Not many people like that sort of movie but me. I might invite a few people over and we can watch it, people are generally more apt to see a movie that they don't have to pay for.

The next movie I really want to see is out in theaters now and its called (500) Days of Summer. Its about a story of boy that meets girl, begins the wry, probing narrator of '500 Days of Summer,' and with that the film takes off at breakneck speed into a funny, true-to-life and unique dissection of the unruly and unpredictable year-and-a-half of one young man's no-holds-barred love affair.

Tom, the boy, still believes, even in this cynical modern world, in the notion of a transforming, cosmically destined, lightning-strikes-once kind of love. Summer, the girl, doesn't. Not at all. But that doesn't stop Tom from going after her, again and again, like a modern Don Quixote, with all his might and courage. Suddenly, Tom is in love not just with a lovely, witty, intelligent woman - not that he minds any of that - but with the very idea of Summer, the very idea of a love that still has the power to shock the heart and stop the world. (that was copied and pasted from moviefone.com)

The only problem with this movie is that it isn't playing at any theaters near here. In fact it isn't at any theater in a 50 mile radius. So I might have to wait until that one comes out on DVD.

The next movie I want to see is a sad but strangely uplifting story about Sara and Brian, a married couple who are coasting through life with their young son and daughter when tragedy threatens to tear the family apart. Suddenly, their baby girl falls ill, and her only hope for survival rests in her parents' ability to find a compatible bone marrow donor. Desperate to save their daughter's life at any cost, Sara and Brian conceive another child in hopes that the baby will be a genetic match. But that decision raises a series of moral and ethical questions that rapidly begin to erode the foundation of the once-happy couple's relationship. Incensed upon learning that she was brought into this world for the singular purpose of prolonging the life of her ailing older sister, the young girl ultimately decides to sue her parents for the rights to her own body.

It brings up a lot of moral questions and it seems that it is going to be a good movie. Its at least playing nearby ha ha. It seems that there is a fair amount of movies that I will be able to see now that I am laid off. I'm sort of excited. Not sure if I like going alone to any of them, but you gotta do what you gotta do ;)

I'm on a boat!!

2009-07-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I went on a boat for the first time in my life. It was really fun and the guy I was with taught me how to fish. I caught something too but it was only something small. I have some pictures of me on the boat...see below

The water was a bit choppy and I felt sick for a few minutes but then after I started to fish I felt fine! I really like boats now. I didn't go swimming because I had my new bikini on and I didn't know how I felt yet about being that naked in public but I did dip my fee tin the water from the back deck of the boat.

I was so tired too at the end of the day! Whew! I didn't even realize that boating and being out in the sun like that would tire me out so much, plus I had about a 45 minute drive home ahead of me so the idea of that really made my mind tired. All in all I had a lot of fun and I can't wait to do it again soon, and next time I'm going to catch a big fish not just a small one!

I just finished putting my claim in for unemployment and so far so good. I have about 10 days before I need to call MARVIN for the first time and in the meantime I am going to working my ass off doing massage! I made like 6 appointments today alone for this weekend and then I have 5 or 6 other people who are interested and are just waiting on me to tell them my new hours and my rates, which I just gave them not long ago, so hopefully I can make a good amount of money to pay my bills in advance AND to pay for all my stuff in Chicago, which really will just be food and a ticket to get there.

So far my last day here has been good. I have almost everything cleaned out and off of my desk, I have my book that I'm going to spend the rest of my afternoon reading, and our accountant took me out to lunch since its my last day, that was nice of him. I think this place is great to work for, I just wish there was actual work for me to do that's all. So long OBARA Corp.! It was nice knowing you.

today...

2009-07-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I can't forget things as easier as I'd like. Memories are sometimes good but today they suck balls.

Mood= Sad, think I'll leave work early and go home to take a nap.

You're holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go, I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I don't understand why I feel so sad
Every time I see you out with someone new...

HP6

2009-07-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

I totally saw HP6 on Sunday night with a few good friends. They won advanced screening tickets at a theater in Novi and so we all went and got to see the movie a few days before everyone else. The movie officially comes out tomorrow and my dad and I are going to see it together probably Thursday afternoon when we both get out of work. I think it was awesome, definitely one of the better ones so far. Its kind of sad that there's only one left now and then its all over. At least the last movie will be split up into 2 parts and so it will be stretched out longer.

I'm a complete dork, this I know.

The turn my life is taking

2009-07-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

My life has slowly spinned out of my normal orbit and into a completely different one than I ever thought possible.

4 months ago I was happy, dating a guy I thought was wonderful and that I could very well spend a long time with because things seemed so great. I was going to school for massage therapy and had every intention of working for my teacher as a massage therapy slave for $15 a massage once I got my certification. I planned on staying at my day job and maybe quitting later in the year, maybe by fall. I was growing my hair out so that I could get it long again and also get my natural color back because the guy I was with liked it that way even though I kind of didn't. I always wanted to stay near my family in MI but there was also a longing to see other places and live in other states for a while and see what I could see on my own, I understood that I couldn't afford, nor could I take off time from work to go and live somewhere else for a while.

Oh how the tables have turned, but not in a bad way. Now I am single, having fun and "dating" a few different people instead of getting serious with any one person. I am becoming friends with people that are new and interesting and I'm not even nervous about the fact that I am putting myself out there in the world and into the unknown. I am finished with school and instead of being a lackey for someone else all the time, I'm actually owning my own business, have my own home spa and I'm taking clients and making money every week! Not only am I doing all this, but recently I decided to let my work lay me off and they want me to collect unemployment for as long as I need to. Now I will have my days free to promote my business and my nights free to do what I please. I already have a few ideas of things that I can do to promote my massage business, and some of them I have already set into motion. I got my hair trimmed a few weeks ago and dyed it a pretty red color and last night I got a bunch of highlights in it and it looks SO GOOD I am so happy with how it turned out. It makes my eyes pop out and the blue in them is more pronounced not to mention it makes my skin glow peachy :)

Probably the most amazing thing though that will happen will be starting the 2nd week of August. I will be buying a one way ticket to Chicago OR driving my car, I've yet to decide...and I will be staying there for a while with my friends in their apartment while handing out my resume to every place I can imagine. If I can find a job doing massage on the side for cash, or even *maybe* doing something else like another office job(as long as it pays well) I can stay in Chicago for a few months and work and I can get out of Michigan for a while and see how I handle really being away from my family and friends. This will be a huge step for me, but I am willing to try and see what adventures I can have on my own in a city like Chicago. Depending on how long I stay and how much money I can save/make I might also go to North Carolina and stay with my big brother for a little while. He misses me and I want to meet his new wife since we've become friends online.

Another big change that I am going to make this summer will be getting my first tattoo. I am planning the design right now and am almost done. It will symbolize who I am what I hope to be and it will be on my body in a place only I and those close to me will ever see. That will be happening next week or the week after.

So many changes my goodness! I am excited for this new adventure in my life and even though I'm still not over some past events and I still wish certain things had turned out differently, I am so blessed to be able to experience new stuff everyday. How lucky am I?

Wish me luck, or better yet don't, it seems that I already have all the luck I need :)

Its been a busy couple days thats for sure

2009-07-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have been pretty busy this last week. I have been staying at work late every afternoon, trying to get as much money out of my work as I can before my lay off. Which means coming home at 4:30 or so and then doing a massage or two here and there and then going out with the guys and chillin at a bunch of different bike nights.

Wednesday we went to Dooley's on Gratiot, we're thinking of moving that though soon, its lamer then normal. Thursday night we went to Royal Oak and hung out for a bit, that place was packed, it seemed like every rider was out there that night. We ran into a few people we knew which was nice, and I finally say my future bike in person. Its new this year from Honda, its a CBR600RR. I can't decide if I want the white one with the 2 phoenix's on the side panel or if i want the green and black since I love green

Choices, choices. Realistically speaking it will be a very long time until I can get one, simply because I won't have a job and I will have to save up and pay it in cash since I won't be having a job for a long time.

Last night I went to John's for a bonfire with Jeff and a few of John's buddies. That was cool, except for the drive to and from Oxford. That was a bit rough. Beautiful drive but it was long and I could feel all the gas leaving my car and never coming back lol. I actually got a little drunk and smoked some things I probably shouldn't have and then stayed up until 4am. I usually don't stay up that late but damn did I have fun and I really haven't had a lot of fun lately in my life. some here and there but not like last night. I got to cook food for a bunch of people and then sit around a bonfire and drink and drink and have some good conversation. Frankly it was just what I needed.

So the unemployment thing is slowly starting to make a little sense. I will hopefully not have to go without a paycheck for that long, assuming the state gets their shit together and sends me my check in a timely manner. If not its not so bad, I made $200 yesterday from clients and then my last 2 weeks at Obara will give me big fat paychecks since I have worked extra hours.

So being single isn't looking to be as bad as I thought, sure I don't get to have an intimate relationship with someone, but what has that ever really gotten me anyway. I kind of like having fun, not caring much about who I'm with and just going with the flow. But on the downside, I also crave some of the cuddle time and little sweet kisses with someone that really matters, plus when all my non single friends get together with me I feel a little left out. Not cool.

All will work itself out in the end.

Overall good weekend so far and its only going to get better. Today at 4pm my friend is coming to get me and we're driving to Novi with a few of our other friends and we're going to the early premiere of the new Harry Potter movie. they won tickets and invited me along since they know I'm a closet HP freak. The movie doesn't come to theatres until Wednesday so I am so fricken excited I am grinning like an idiot. Its slightly bitter sweet though since I had planned to go to The Bank with Ashley and (possibly) AJ tonight for my friend Jeff's release party but the movie starts right when the party starts at 7pm so its impossible. I was really excited to get all dressed hot and bother some boys tonight ;P

HP is better anyway. Hands down.

Massage time then shower then HP baby! have a great Sunday ya'll.

Laid off...

2009-07-09T10:50:00.001-07:00

So my boss pulled me into the conference room this morning and talked to me about my impending lay off, he says that my last day is next Friday. I am happy because this means that I can now concentrate on my business but not happy because now I won't have a dependable income.

I have been through worse in my life, I'm sure I can get through this with no problem, but I am finding it hard to get all the info straight on what I need to do and how I need to do it to begin collecting unemployment. I have questions that I can't find answers to on the MI unemployment website and I tried calling the office today only to be put on hole for almost 45 minutes and I had to hang up because I had to go get lunch.

So now I don't know if I can file a claim since I'm not unemployed yet, and there's no one that can tell me.

I hate this state. I'm moving.

Unexpected

2009-07-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

A few unexpected things happened yesterday night and this morning. The first happened last night, I met a guy at Kinko's on Gratiot and we started talking and ended up at Starbucks across the street for tea.

His name is Kyle, he is an intern for 2 Detroit radio stations and he goes to Specs Howard. He is 25, kinda geeky in a cool way, loves music and we actually had a lot to talk about. He is originally from VA and moved here 4 months ago for school. He is lonely seeing as all his friends live in another state so I offered to show him around town one of these days and take him to a bunch of cool places. He finds it amazing that I like to long board, I enjoy cooking, I'm a massage therapist who loves motorcycles, and I apparently am beautiful. I think that him and I will be very good friends, he seems like the kind of person I could talk to about anything. He also seems to be in a similar situation as I find myself so it was nice to talk to someone who understands.

So here's to meeting new people, striking up new friendships and broadening my horizons.

The next unexpected thing is that my cousin Kim called me out of the blue today and started up a conversation with me. She congratulated me on my graduation from school and asked how I was doing with the whole break up thing and all. I told her that I am doing really great actually and that I am moving on well enough in spite of all that happened. I don't usually talk to or see my cousin except for maybe once or twice a year at the usual family get together for my dads side of the family, so it was really unusual to me, but she had a lot to say by way of advice and encouragement for what I'm going through right now that really hit home and that most people in my life right now who really know me, STILL haven't been able to do.

People say "oh its OK, you'll find someone new, you deserve better, hes a jerk" blah blah blah. Even if I did find someone better, someone who was everything he wasn't, that still doesn't mean they will think that I have everything to offer that they want in a woman. That still doesn't mean 5 months into things that they won't up and leave without telling me why or what I did wrong. Who is to say that I don't go through 10 more guys who are all great and they are perfect for me and yeah I may fall in love, but none of that matters if they can't stick around, or get scared off by someone that loves them.

She said something that made so much sense to me that I can't believe that I didn't think of it before on my own. She said that she knows what I'm going through because she went through the same thing. We find someone that really makes our lives worthwhile and we love that person with all we have because we don't like to do anything half ass and we put everything we have into the relationship and then things go bad when the other person doesn't put nearly as much into it as we do. We feel jipped, taken advantage of and short changed. Its not fair that I put more of my heart into mine and Dustin's relationship than he did because in the end, its only the one that really was in love that gets hurt while the other one goes off scott free and clear with no hurt feelings to be had.

What she said really made a difference in my head. She also says that she decided to play the field, and that I should try it. I like the idea of not getting serious with anyone and being friends with someone for a year or so before I make a move to take a step towards being in a romantic relationship with that person. Its better than dating one guy alone and getting my heart broken again and it beats giving up entirely and convincing myself that there isn't really a guy out there that isn't a jerk.

She said that the right guy will come along, and it may be someone that is right in front of my face this whole time, or it could be someone new, but when it happens I'll know it and its important to be friends first before anything happens. I really loved Dustin even though he didn't love me as much, and I really wish we could have just been friends instead of ever dating. Not only would my heart be intact, but he would still be in my life right now and we would be having fun again like we used to, or at least I thought we used to have fun. Now I have no one to long board with, no one to play scrabble with, no house to help fix up, no one to bounce ideas off of when doing creative projects and no one to cook for...I lost more then a lover, I lost a friend.

The biggest mistake you can make is to be apart from a friend you once had the time of your life with.

Fan Fricken Tastic

2009-07-07T14:04:00.001-07:00

I just saw this on Instructables.com, kinda wish I could have used it, or maybe someone else could have used it...

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Break-Up/

It actually helped me a lot to read it, I was surprised. I know that during the break up with Dustin he didn't really do many of the things that he could have to make things easier on him, or me and its probably because of that fact, that my self confidence is at an all time low. Fortunately because I'm not a weak minded fool of a woman I have had my sad moments and teary eyes and I am now on my way to bigger and better things. Kinda bummed that he felt he couldn't trust me, and felt like he had to lie to me about what he was feeling...I wish I would have just known what he was thinking when I first asked him and than we could have just moved on and not had any broken feelings about it. Maybe then we would still be friends.

Lesson learned, for me at least...hopefully for him too so he doesn't do this to another unsuspecting girlfriend.

good days and bad

2009-07-07T08:50:00.001-07:00

yesterday was a good day. I got my hair cut and colored, I am now sporting a dark red do with a few low lights and a few layers. I LOVE it. It opens up my face and it brings out my eyes. Its super cute, don't know how long I will have it for, I might go back next month and get a all over dark with highlights or maybe a nice dirty blond, that's like the only color I haven't done yet.

After that I went and hung out with Jessica for a little bit and we talked about me working for her, she thinks that I'm going to steal her clients or something, which is ludicrous and she knows it. I think that maybe I'm better than her at massage and shes afraid that her clients will ask me to do them at my house or theirs and then she won't get a cut. I told her I'd never do that to her, which is true, so shes thinking about it. She has a hard time trusting people I think, especially when it comes to the business.

After that I met my friend Brandon at the park and we talked and listened to music for a while before it got too late. Then I went home and packed all the things that remind me of Dustin into a very large and thick boot box that I had lying around. It is now in the bottom of my closet. I couldn't do this with my guinea pig though, he wouldn't stand for it, so I have to keep him around until I can find a place for him. He's pretty cute, I might keep him, we'll see. He's already chewed through both my phone charger and my iPod headphones so I'll have to think on it.

Today hasn't been a good day. But tomorrow, tomorrow will, I'll make sure of it.

Untitled

2009-07-06T05:43:00.001-07:00

I wish I was stronger than this. I wish I could be happy again.

Biker dudes, 4th of July fireworks and graduation parties abound

2009-07-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am going to be leaving in a few minutes to go riding with a few people from my church to Port Huron and back but I wanted to get this out while I have the chance. I am excited for the ride, I love riding on the back of a bike and just relaxing, letting the wind toss my hair around my head and make me feel so free. I cannot wait until I can afford another bike, it looks like it might be a while though, with the spa and all, I probably won't be able to afford any "toys" for myself for a long time. That's OK though cause I should only be concentrating on my business for now anyway.

This entire weekend I had so much fun!! Thursday night was my graduation party at Buca di Beppo and then afterward we all went to The Box Bar and Grill for some cheap beer and dancing. That was a lot of fun and I can't believe how late I stayed out but its OK because I had the next day off work. I met a guy that night that my friend Jessica has been trying to get me to meet since before I met Dustin, in fact, I actually ditched out on my date with him the night I was supposed to meet him for the first time because I had met Dustin a day or 2 before and really liked him from the start and thought I might be able to have something with him. Cory understood and said it was fine and wished me luck, and well, here I am 5 months later, single, with my heart broken by a guy who has not been honest with me and who is a coward who can't even talk to me face to face.

I feel like just another ex of his. He talks about them like their crazy and I think of myself and I know I'm not like that. What possible reason could he have had for ending things...He couldn't even give me a good excuse as to why we can't be together, which is harder than having the truth because now I'm second guessing myself at every turn. Am I pretty enough for him? If I'm not than does that mean that I'm not going to be for any other guy that I end up falling for? Was I not good enough in bed? Will I ever find someone that can love my body the way it is? I'm not thin by any means, maybe I wasn't in good enough shape for him... Did I miss him too much when he wasn't around? Did I love him TOO much, could it be that I just have more love in my heart for him than he could or would ever have had for me?

Maybe I offered him too much help with things and that annoyed him, maybe in the future I shouldn't offer anyone help with anything and just let them fend for themselves. Maybe guys just fall out of love one day with the girls their with and there's no explanation, there's no reason for it. Or maybe he found someone else and she's better at everything than I am.

Maybe he'll regret breaking up with me later down the line and realize what he had right in front of him, but maybe not. I only asked for the truth, and honesty from the very beginning and he couldn't even give me that even at the very end. I tried so hard and maybe that was the problem. I'll never know because he probably won't talk to me ever again, that seems more likely than anything else I'm written.

So that's where I'm at. Trying to make sense of all this mess I find myself in, trying to date again even with a shattered heart that needs answers more then mending right now. And yet...I don't want answers because that would mean talking to him. If that is the only option than this is something I can work out myself. The task before me is set, to build up my confidence again to where it was before I let men into my heart.

I'm sick and tired of dating guys that make me think they care in the beginning just to find out later that they don't anymore but are too afraid to say something. I have deleted everything that reminds me of Dustin so that I don't have anything to cry over anymore. I have taken his number out of my phone, deleted his emails and address and put away everything he has given me when he "loved" me. The notes, the cards, the fortune cookies and the cd's. One day soon I am sure I will be able to look at all of it and smile, remember the good times we had and I'm so sure it won't hurt at all that I'm almost looking forward to that day. Only than will I be back to me.

w00t

2009-06-30T17:15:00.001-07:00

Finished with school, certificate in hand! That is all.

bowling...graduation...real life

2009-06-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well last night I went out with a ton of people from my church and we bowled. Apparently they get together one Monday a month and they split into teams and they just bowl for fun. I was on my Pastor's team and he is pretty competitive. It was fun sometimes but honestly it reminded me why I don't bowl at all. I totally suck at bowling. I got a few spares but not until my last game and then I managed one strike but not until my last game as well. It was sad really.

On a much happier note, tonight is my graduation!!!!!! I am leaving work at 3 to go home and get changed and then to the bank to pull out my last $300 for tuition and then heading over to Deanna's house and she is taking me out to dinner. I am so excited to be done with school!! Friday was my last class but it feels like I won't be done until after tonight. looks like its going to rain too so chances are we won't be able to walk around Royal Oak but that's OK, I don't mind coming home after dinner and relaxing.

Oh I am so looking forward to my week, I am going to keep busy and not have time to think much, which is exactly what I want so I'm not complaining. I have massages to do tomorrow afternoon and a huge party for myself on Thursday night and I'm off Friday and I have another massage and then I'm going to a BBQ and then hopefully I can relax the rest of the weekend. I love 3 day weekends so darn much.

Today at work we're doing inventory which we do twice a year or something and lunch is provided for us which means I get to choose what we're eating and I chose pizza. I have to call and put my order in soon too so that its ready by 12 to deliver. There's going to be a lot too, like 6 pizzas and some salad. Yum yum eat em up. I haven't been eating a lot lately, if at all. I have been losing weight, which is what I want, but its so hard when I'm confronted with things like pizza. Its a small weakness of mine and I'm not used to feeling so guilty eating it. All I want is to be thin and beautiful. Its so sad that people like me have to jump through hoops just to get to that point.

What is my life coming to?

Another Movie!!

2009-06-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

OMG I can't wait to see "Gamer".

It comes out on September 4th of this year, and it looks amazing. Its is an action thriller set in a near future when gaming and entertainment have evolved into a new hybrid. Humans control other humans in mass-scale, multi-player online games: people play people...for keeps. Mind-control technology is widespread, and at the heart of the controversial games is its creator, reclusive billionaire Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). His latest brainchild, the first-person shooter game "Slayers," allows millions to act out their most savage fantasies online in front of a global audience, using real prisoners as avatars with whom they fight to the death.

Kable (Gerard Butler) is the superstar and cult hero of the ultra violent "Slayers." Kable is controlled by Simon, a young gamer with rock star status who continues to defy all odds by guiding Kable to victory each week. Taken from his family, imprisoned and forced to fight against his will, the modern day gladiator must survive long enough to escape the game to free his family, regain his identity and to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology.

That was all taken from IMDB that's why it sounds so professional. I am looking forward to it, ever since I saw the preview for it when I watched the Hangover with Lori. This is why I love previews at the movies, it gives me something to look forward to later on in the future lol.

I love you Gerard Butler, you are so fuckin hot.

I can't wait to get another bike

2009-06-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

I went to the motorcycle show today, my friend Steve took me on his bike, he has a Yamaha R1 and we went like 120 on the freeway and it was fricken awesome. The only thing that was scary was that he was going really fast around the turns and whatever but I asked him to slow down a bit and he did.

He had a helmet for me that isn't even coming out until September! Its an icon brand helmet, and he's got a parts store and he sells icon stuff for a living so they gave him one and its so beautiful. Its black and red and has Detroit written on it and has a mean looking dog on the side baring its teeth and on the back it says Represent. It is sweet, and I got to wear it and people were asking about all day, it was awesome.

A few people showed up from my church too with their bikes, Bud and his wife Sharon were there and then Brenda and Collin. I'm glad they could show up and have fun. There's some pictures below that show the bikes and all too.

this is my friend Steve

Just some of the bikes that were at the show. When we left from Dynamic we had more than 100 with us.

John in the red shirt. He is the owner of Dynamic Powersports on 9 mile in Eastpointe. He was one of the guys that put on the show.

yup, that's me on a bike. On Steve's bike trying to look hot but I'm sure I didn't pull it off lol. If I am getting a new bike I want an R6, not an R1. I want something small.

So yeah, that was really it. I have more pictures but they are just of bikes, and more bikes. I'm like the only one that likes them ha ha, so I'll spare you all those pictures. Anyway so I'm home now and tired. I have to go to work tomorrow and then I'm coming home and getting ready to go out bowling with my church bowling league, which isn't really a league as much as it is a bunch of people who have nothing to do on a Monday night so they go to 13 and Jefferson bowling alley and have a blast. I'm going to start being apart of that, on Monday at least.

I am addicted to a new show on USA called "Royal Pain". Its about a really good Dr. who gets blacklisted from every New York hospital because he let a hospital trustee die because he was saving the life of a young kid instead and so he and his brother go to the Hampton's for the holiday weekend and he saves a life of some famous rich person at some high class party and he ends up sort of accidentally becoming a Dr. that caters to the rich and famous and its kinda funny, but sweet sometimes. Kinda cool because his g/f leaves him before the wedding and all and he is depressed and he gets his life back together. Its a good show, watch it.

Well, its late and time for bed now, goodnight all.

Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping.

Im a geek, this I know.

2009-06-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight I saw Transformers 2, I loved it, maybe because I was sheltered as a kid from stuff like that, now I can't get enough of all the comic-turned into movie things and all the old TV show movies i.e. transformers.

Then I went for BBQ at Red hot and blue with my group. That was yum yum eat em up. Maybe its a southern thing but I love putting coleslaw on top of all my BBQ sandwiches, and even really just plain meat and cheese sandwiches. My fam down south does it I'm sure, but up here people frown on it, dunno why, its delicious.

Here's how much of a geek I am too, I think I might join my church's Monday night bowling thing they do. $10 and i get to wear the shoes and bowl to my hearts content, what more could I ask for?

I am planning another trip to Chicago for sometime in July, most likely the end of July or something, going to take the train and stay with friends who are really excited to be seeing me again and I don't have to pay for much of anything except for food and maybe cab fare even though I am going to walk everywhere I can. I'm going to go to the museum and the aquarium since I didn't get to see those two things last time I went, and they were what I was most looking forward to seeing, besides the food show. I am really excited, I think going alone will allow me to see what I want to see and I won't have to worry about having a "romantic" trip and then being disappointed when it doesn't turn out like I expected.

I hope there is some good bands playing while I'm there for the week, too bad I missed Plushgun there, but I still got to see them here so its OK.

I need to start walking again, I'm getting stronger from massage work and whatever, and I haven't been eating as much lately since I'm so busy, here's hoping the combination of all 3 will get me in shape :)

OK, off to Jessica's house to play board games and video games! I'm spending my Saturday night in, you read it right. I'm looking forward to it though :)

Peace

Some days are just better than others

2009-06-25T08:16:00.001-07:00

thats all I really wanted to say.

Thank heaven's for Bike Night

2009-06-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

Last night was bike night in Roseville at Dooley's on Gratiot, we go there every Wednesday but I think we'll be going somewhere else from now on and just moving the entire event someplace else because Dooley's sucks, their music blows and they won't let us advertise for anything because their Nazi's. We're more likely to have it at the Box, the only problem with that is its a bit far for some people.

John picked me up on his bike and rode us over there, my dad was working in the garage when he pulled up and I hopped on his bike and he sped away ha ha. My dad waved but I could see he wasn't too happy. It was so damn hot yesterday! Don't get me wrong, I love the heat, but it wasn't good for riders with their leather on. I took a chance and didn't wear anything but a wife beater and I was OK, although if we had dumped the bike somehow I probably wouldn't have any skin anymore.

I can't wait until Saturday so I can see Transformers!!! OMG!! I've been waiting a long time for it, and it is going to be awesome! Plus I'm going to the 4pm show at MJR so it'll be cheapo tix.

Another movie I am dying to see is Harry Potter and the half blood prince. That comes out on July 15th which is a Wednesday. that is gonna be awesome, but sad too because that means that there's only one more after that and then the series is all over for good. :( Although the last movie is going to be made in 2 parts.

Anyway, off topic lol, bike night might be moved, hopefully that won't interfere when I can actually go since it will be a lot farther then I would like to drive every week, but maybe I can catch a ride with the guys or something. I cannot wait to get another bike. I want to practice more and see if I can get the shifting gears thing more down before that though, I don't want to get a heavy bike either, just a small Ninja 250 is fine by me. at least at first :)

oh. em. gee

2009-06-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

OMGOSH Plushgun was amazing. Me and Lori got a bit buzzed/drunk and danced our little hearts out right in front of the stage!

I'll start from the beginning. about 2 years ago there was this web show that we got addicted to that is called We Need Girlfriends. It took place in NYC and was about 3 college grads that all got dumped on the same day and who were all moving in with each other. So they are on a quest to get over their now exes and to find new ladies. Its very funny, and cute and the guys are great actors and its just cool that they made this whole thing on their own.

So in the very first episode I watched there was a song that I just was falling in love with and I found the band in the credits and they were called Plushgun, and so I downloaded some of their music and also found their myspace and added them and I started to listen to their stuff all the time, meanwhile looking for when they would ever go on tour. They mostly stuck near or in NYC and so it was like I'd either have to be more patient and wait for them to get bigger or go to NY and see them. Money is tight, so I chose to wait ha ha. So a few weeks back I saw on their myspace they they were going on tour!! Finally! and!!...they were coming to MI!!!!! even better!! sorry there was so many !! there, I was just really excited for a second. So they were coming to Lansing and so I told Lorraine, who shares my love of them and we decided to get tickets, which were only $10, how cool is that?

So I figured that Mac's bar would have to be bigger and better then most bars if they were going to have Plushgun playing there but apparently not many people there even knew about them so other then me and Lori, there was maybe 3 other fans and then the rest of the place was filled up with the other bands that played, of which there were like 4 or 5 and the family and friends of the other bands that played since they were like high school bands and they needed to be babysat or something.

Anyway, so we got to talk to Dan and Taylor and Matt through out the night and we got pictures of them and everything and even though I'm an idiot and didn't remember to put my card back in my camera, I had my phone on me and it takes decent photos if I want it too. Plus the guy that was at the swag table for Plushgun had a camera and took some of us and he's going to send them to me. I will have those posted soon. I totally have a crush on Dan, if he was single and didn't live in NYC and I didn't already have someone I was keeping my hopes on, then I'd totally go for him, ha ha. As if he'd go for me though. He was so nice too, and he told me and Lori to dance in front and act crazy for the band so that other people would too, and even though not more then me and her and 2 other people really danced, we DID act crazy, and it was like a sauna in there and we were literally dripping sweat from everywhere. Then he came down off the stage and danced with me and he was inches from my face with the mike I swear I thought he was going to have me sing into it LOL, OMG what a rush, just thinking about it now and I've got a grin on my face, he is so amazing, his music makes me happy no matter what is happening, that's why I love them so much, I always want to dance when I hear their music. :)

They thanked us for dancing after the show and I got a poster signed by them and Dan signed it "thanks for dancing your rox off", so cool. They were so worth it to drive an hour and 30 minutes and then wait in the hot sun for another 30 just to get in and then bake alive in a hot bar with nothing to drink but a sex on the beach. I would do it again in a heart beat. but hey, me and Lori have driven farther then that to see good music played live, this was nothing.

OK, back to "work" now.

more later.

Staying strong, in the unknown

2009-06-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

I am staying strong despite how complicated and tangled up my emotions are right now. I am being as patient as I can be for someone in love and with no knowledge about what is going on or what will happen or what they are thinking. I don't know my future and I can't be sure of anything anymore until someone tells me what the truth is. I don't cry at all anymore, I just feel waves of speculation, doubt and helplessness overwhelm me and I try to block it out with my mantra that I am a strong woman, I love fully and will get through this time in my life with grace and my head held high and I will be happy, no matter the outcome, because I am a strong woman, I love fully and will get through this time in my life with grace and my head held high and I will be happy, no matter the outcome...

God has a plan you you and for me. I am waiting on you to show me that path, or not.

I've seen the path you're eyes wander down, and I wanna come too. Please let me.

You probably will never read this or any of my previous blogs, and if you do don't take them all the wrong way. I am not trying to pressure you into anything by writing out all my feelings in these last few blogs, I just have no where else to express what I'm thinking and feeling. If you have a problem with it all, don't read it, but this is my last one about you. I love you.

Movies, movies, movies...again!

2009-06-22T05:59:00.001-07:00

OK so now I HAVE to see Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland.

here are a few pictures of the characters below

The Queen is played by who else but Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter is brilliant in my opinion. New girl Mia Wasikowsha will play Alice Kingsley and I must say she looks the part and last but not least, Alan Rickman will play the Caterpillar. OMFG how cool is that?

Next movie I want to see is more of a love story but set throughout time, its totally fascinating and after I read the book a few years ago, it was totally mind boggling but great. Its called The Time Travelers Wife and the two main characters are Rachel McAdams(the wife) and Eric Bana(the time traveler) I won't even explain it, you'll have to read about it online or read the book because all I can say is its amazing.

The next one is called Taking Woodstock. This looks like a fantastically made movie and it has my favorite stand up comedian as the main actor, Demeitri Martin, and one of my favorite sctors as well Liev Schreiber. He plays this guy who's family is going to lose all their hundreds of acreage if they don't come up with some money quick for the bank and so they find out about a local music festival for a few bands and they need a place to play. So they get paid and are able to save their land by having these people come and set up their concert and that was the start of Woodstock. I don't know if their was any truth in the movie but I think there might have been. It looked really awesome.

The next one is a little movie directed and produced by Sam Mendes and I really like his work a lot. Its called Away We Go and it has John Krasinski in it and I just LOVE him as Jim from The Office so I'll see him in just about anything just shy of porn. The movie is about a young couple in love who are expecting their first baby and so they travel across America in search of the perfect place to settle down and have their baby. Along the way they meet up with family and friends and they connect to them and each other in ways they haven't before and find the true meaning of "family". John has a hippy beard and scraggly clothes in this movie but I think it totally works for him.

I really wanted to go see Transformers on Wednesday night when it came out but I decided instead to go with a few people from my church on Saturday at 4pm to the MJR on 15mile to see it and then after their all going to grab some dinner nearby there. I think it would be more fun to do that then see it alone like I was planning on doing on Wednesday. Unfortunately I had no one that wanted to go see the movie with me so thank goodness my church invited me :)

I did see The Hangover with Lorraine though and that was so awesome. We saw it on Friday and we got there before 6pm so we got the tickets for only $4.50! what a deal! On Saturday the tickets will be the same price as well, can't beat it yo!

OK, well that's all the movies for now, but give me a day, I'm sure their will be more.

Peace

Good day for a picnic

2009-06-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

too bad I don't have a picnic basket...or someone to go with.

It is really beautiful today though, kinda want to take advantage of it. I am inside right now doing some crafty things with my new 3 panel changing screen and some ribbon I bought yesterday, hopefully it will turn out the way I pictured it in my head.

Later I will go for a bike ride and then shower and relax. Not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow but you know what? that's OK because I won't be there forever. I keep trying to tell myself that in hopes it will make me feel better. It works, sometimes.

Next Sunday is the Bridging the Gap Motorcycle Event that I am attending. Me and 200 plus riders are going to leave from Dynamic to ride to Garfield and 18 mine to The Box for an all day awesome bike festival with games and food and beer. I can't wait.

My week is so busy, I'm so excited to have lots of things to do to keep my mind off other stuff for the time being. Its hard being patient even if it's for someone you love, but I am trying and I think I'm succeeding. Tomorrow I am giving my first teacher and now 2nd employer a massage as part of finishing my schooling and that is at 6pm. I'm nervous a bit, but at the same time we're doing it at my house in my spa and so I think it will really impress her and if I do a good enough job she might give me more work in her spa.

Tuesday straight after work me and Lori are driving out to Lansing to go to Plushgun(omg so happy) and we will be back around 11 or before, just in time for me to go to bed lol. Wednesday I have class where I am learning how to do Chair Massage and also learning some business stuff, although I'm reading this awesome book from the Library right now that is helping me with that too. After that I think I might go to Carlo's house and get some work done on myself. I need it, I'm sore from doing everybody else and not having anything done for me. Thursday I think I am going to go see Transformers as a treat to myself and then Friday I am giving Deanna a Therapeutic Massage which I thought I was supposed to do last week but she had me down for this Friday instead, whatever. Saturday I'm not sure what I'm going to do but I think I will have at least 2 massages to do sometime that day. I hope at least. I need money!! Tuition is due the next Tuesday and I might not have enough! I sold 4 gift certificates this week and I should probably get a little tip from each of those so that will help a tiny bit. I have a bunch of stuff in my garage I was saving for someone, wish they would come get it and pay me already ;P

Sunday is the awesome motorcycle event and that will be all day most likely. Then Monday I start it all over again only the next day is the 30th and that means I graduate!!!

That night Deanna is taking me out to dinner with Jessica to Cafe Habana even though she probably won't appreciate it like Deanna and I will cuz shes a picky "American eater" fries and hamburgers and fast food is all she eats it seems. Yuk.

well gotta go get food in my belly and then get back to my craft project.

Hope every ones week goes fabulously and that they keep busy and productive.

Peace.

I can't wait...

2009-06-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait until Tuesday.

Lorraine and I are going to Lansing to see Plushgun together live. Its been a few years coming and its finally time for us to go see them. They are a NYC based group, kinda small, mostly electronica and awesomely wonderful. We first heard about them from an online web show we were addicted to called We Need Girlfriends and they were the ones playing the awesome theme song.

We have followed them ever since and they hardly ever left the state but they are finally going on a small tour and they will be at a bar on Michigan State's campus Tuesday night. So fucking excited I'm grinning like an idiot right now. I don't even have to miss work for this thing, w00t!

If there's one thing other then massage that I'm passionate about its music. Music gets me through so many things, tough spots in my life, and rough patches...there's always a song out there that can describe just the way I feel or just what I'm thinking, and singing it or listening to it can make me feel like I've just released something and its no longer weighing me down. I feel better, almost lighter, and then I remember to look for the good stuff in life, not the negative, and to be patient and good things will come to me because I am a good person. I am a catch, I'm beautiful and I love with all my heart. Who wouldn't want to be a part of that? Music reminds me of all that, all the good stuff about me, it put me in such a good mood. I don't know what I would do without it.

Oh the joy of music.

2009-06-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

Untitled

2009-06-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

You say you're leavin
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know I'm here
Whenever you need me
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there
I can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can't fix you i can't save you
Its something you have to do

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me
So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

One of those days

2009-06-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

my mom and dad just left for my sisters up north and before she left she had to just completely crush my blooming good mood because I honestly believe she finds it annoying to see me happy.

so as soon as she left I opened all the doors and windows because the airs on and I know the last thing she will want is to come home to a semi sticky feeling house. ha. that's how lame I am nowadays I guess, I can only retaliate with stuff like that because I really don't care enough about anything anymore to really bother. at least not with people who don't add good things to my life and make it richer, like my mom. and some other people.

I had a dream last night where a person in my life saved me from some kind of crazy robot things that were taking over the world. I didn't expect them to show up in anymore of my dreams and it was sort of...different. Especially since in my dream they seemed to care so much about me. Which is a far cry from real life.

but anyway, I woke up this morning kinda blah but I'm in a good mood now despite everything that has been going on in my life, and I even slept in until 9am!!! That's huge for me.

Don't know what today will hold, but I am ready for anything. Anything. I thought recently that I might have lost most of my hope in humanity, but I haven't yet...Something will renew it, someday. I just have to be patient, even more then I am now.

Mood=strange, sad and lonely. but not heartbroken.

peace.

So fuckin funny.

2009-06-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness.

So my class got canceled and rescheduled for next week instead and so me and Lori went to see The Hangover earlier than expected and so we got cheapo tickets at the MJR! w00t!

It was the funniest movie I've seen this year by far, I haven't laughed out loud that much in a long time. So now I'm home and I'm sitting in my room and its raining and my windows are open and I'm enjoying listening to the rain and yeah. Its nice and peaceful. There's even a nice breeze flowing into my room to go along with the thunder :)

I'm sitting on my bed now reading through all the new books I got from the Library and taking notes about things for my new business. Yum.

Back to work now.

Update galore

2009-06-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am so close to finishing school I can taste it. Tonight I have my final for the Therapeutic section of my schooling. I have to give my teacher a Therapeutic massage and then after that I'm not positive but I think I also have to take a written exam to get my certification. She hasn't mentioned anything about it since the first month of class, hopefully she just forgets about it and then I won't have to take it ha ha. But she probably won't, so I should do a little more studying.

Tonight after class I'm going to see the movie The Hangover. I am so excited to get out of the house for a bit and see a funny movie. Its going to put me in a really great mood, I can already tell. This weather always puts me in a funny mood. I need some good laughing to really snap me out of bad weather moods.

After the movie I dunno what is happening. I certainly don't want to just go home and stay in the rest of the night, but there isn't really anyone to hang out with. Tomorrow I'm going to a small show at Pepperbottoms, but only if my friend who invited me can get me on the guest list because I don't want to pay to get into a bar to see a band that might not even be any good if I don't have to. Its at least something to keep me busy. During the day tomorrow I might go to the Gratiot Cruise and sit with my dad in his work truck and watch the old cars go by. Not the most exciting way to spend an afternoon but its better then not doing anything at all. The only problem I think I'll have is finding a parking place, maybe I'll just ride my bike, then I can just lay it in the grass where my dad is parked.

I had a dream about zombies the other night, it was bad ass though because I was kicking ass and killing these things with a katana and my dream felt so real that I woke up thinking we were in the middle of a zombie uprising, no pun intended. Of course we're not, but I think I could handle myself pretty well if we ever were. If I had a katana at least...

Movies, movies, movies!

2009-06-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

I want to see The Hangover so bad!!! It is already out right now and I have no one to go see it with, I'm almost tempted to go alone to see it but that's no fun guys! Please someone go with me!! Here is a the synopsis:

Two days before his wedding, Doug and his three friends drive to Las Vegas for a blow-out bachelor party they'll never forget. But, in fact, when the three groomsmen wake up the next morning, they can't remember a thing. For some reason, they find a tiger in the bathroom and a six-month-old baby in the closet of their suite at Caesars Palace. The one thing they can't find is Doug. With no clue as to what transpired and little time to spare, the trio must retrace their hazy steps and all their bad decisions in order to figure out where things went wrong and hopefully get Doug back to L.A. in time to walk down the aisle.

I want to see Year One as well. I have read a lot about it from people who have seen it at the premier and it looks so funny and its also by some of the same people that do The Office so its bound to be great. Plus Michael Cera is so funny and Jack Black is so awesome. Anyone want to go see it with me?? The movie comes out tomorrow and here is a synopsis that I copied and pasted from IMDB:

In year 1, Zed (Jack Black) and his friend, Oh (Michael Cera), are two inept cavemen just trying to survive. Zed is a lazy hunter with no skills, and Oh is a gatherer of nuts and berries. Zed is banished from the village after he eats the forbidden fruit. Oh decides to go with Zed on his epic journey to the end of the earth. Instead, they both find a new world outside of their prehistoric village. They soon find themselves wandering in Biblical times in Bible country. They met Cain and Abraham tending to their herd, and for the first time in their lives they get to ride at a high rate of speed in Abrahams one cow cart. Zed and Oh meet many people in their travels, and along the way, they are sold into slavery and end up in Sodom. Douglas Young (the-movie-guy) After being banished from their homeland, Zed and Oh (Jack Black and Michael Cera), two tribesmen, embark on a journey through their ancient world. Along the way, they encounter Adam and Eve (Harold Ramis and Rhoda Griffis), Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd), and Abraham (Hank Azaria). Viewers expecting a comedy along the lines of Ghostbusters or Knocked Up will be dissappointed becasue the style of this film is much more along the lines of the Monty Python movies.

Next is Transformers, which comes out next Wednesday the 24th. Everyone should know what that one is about. Its going to be amazing, no synopsis needed.

The other movies I want to see won't come out for another month or longer so I'm not going to put them on here just yet. I will save them for another boring day when I have nothing to write about. ha ha.

Where you lead me, I will follow, forever and a day.

2009-06-17T06:56:00.001-07:00

Lately I am really feeling God working in my life. He's always been in my life and honestly I used to trust in Him a lot more then I do now, but after I went through some stuff for a long time where I really just felt that he wasn't around me anymore and he didn't care what happened to me, I sort of lost some of my faith for a bit.

Lately there have been some circumstances that have left me feeling adrift, lost, even disconnected and hopeless. I immediately started to pray and although I didn't feel better right away, I did feel less disconnected and more like I could trust that God would take care of me in my time of need. Its a strange feeling for some people to just trust that God loves them and to give all their problems and heartache and anything and everything else they have going on in their lives into His hands to take over and fix. He makes sense of the jumbled lives we lead. He undoes the knots and the kinks and he straightens out our path and makes it easy for us to follow again. He would do anything for us if only we had faith in him that he could and would do it.

That's pretty much what I did last week sometime. Crap was really getting hard, stressful, overwhelming and depressing and I was fed up feeling like that anymore. I just wanted peace and I wanted my mind to just stop for a second and not think about all the stuff that was going on. I didn't want to cry over anything or anyone again and I wanted to take charge of my life but only after it was OK to do so, meaning when he was done fixing it. lol.

So I prayed, a lot, and I talked to some people who had all the right words, and I started to notice little things starting to happen in my life just in the last week that I don't believe would have happened if I hadn't given all my problems to God and let him sort out my mess of a life. I have a joy that I didn't have before, that things will be OK and that however my life turns out, whether in my present or my future, I know that there is a bigger plan than I can see. I am a strong woman and I may even be stronger now than I was months ago. I am a Christian and I draw my strength from my God and his love for me keeps me going no matter what is going on in my life. I am going to be a business owner soon and I am going to start a whole new chapter of my life. Its going to be challenging and it will be exciting. I want to have financial security, just like everybody else, and this is the road that will lead to that. I am more confident in my abilities and in who I am and what I want to be, and I think that I love even more then I used to. I have a big heart and I just want to love and be loved.

Its so nice when I have eye opening moments in my life that make me think "how could I ever have doubted this?" It just makes me stronger and happier to know that I have something other people don't. It really reminds me of a song that I used to listen to when I was younger, there are some lyrics in it that ring true to what I believe and that's this: "Those here without the Lord how do you cope, for this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope."

When bad stuff happens to people who have no hope in anything, it baffles me how they can overcome things on their own with no help. If I didn't have something to keep hopeful about then I think I would mourn everything in a way that left no hope or chance for change.

Everything gets better a friend told me that recently. Whether talking about breaking up with someone and finding someone new, leaving a job and going someplace else, moving into a new house or just going through normal changes in our life, its in our nature to find something better until we find what we're looking for and then we can stop searching and finally be happy with what we have. We;re always striving for the next best thing, but sometimes what we have IS the next best thing and we don't even see it.

I encourage everybody to think hard about what you have and what you want to change in your life, trust that there's a bigger plan out there that you can't even imagine and that things will get better for you if you want them to and if you're not absolutely happy with what is standing right in front of you.

Playing mom for the weekend

2009-06-15T05:42:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of fun with Izzy this weekend. Shes 7 years old and her mom Kristin is a single mother. Izzy's father doesn't have much rights to her so when Kristin left Friday afternoon for Chicago I came over after work to spend the weekend at their house. We painted our nails and toenails together the first night and then we went out for sushi to noble fish with my friend Brandon and then all three of us walked around downtown Royal Oak and saw a bunch of cool things like a live concert on Washington Ave and people walking their dogs, which Izzy just loved because shes an animal lover. It was weird sleeping in another persons bed, the only other time I haven't slept in my own bed other than hotels is in Dustin's bed.

The next day we woke up and ate breakfast together, Kristin went to culinary school and so her kitchen is decked out in all sorts of awesome kitchen gadgets, it was fun cooking in there. After that we walked to the park and than to a moving sale around the corner where I found some really awesome glasses to serve water in to my clients after a massage and a 6 foot tall, 3 panel screen that I am going to fix up and have in my spa for people to change behind.

After all that we hopped in my car and drove to my house where we then drove in my families car to my dad and grandma's birthday party at my Aunt and Uncle's house. Izzy had a blast playing with my cousin's 2 little kids and it was nice catching up with some of my cousins. I gave my massage card and info out to some of my family, most of them had no idea that I was even in massage school let alone that I would be graduating in 15 days or that I had a spa in my house lol. We stayed there for a long time, I think we left when it was close to 6pm and then we came back to my house and me and Izzy left to go to Lorraine's house to pick her. All three of us went back to Izzy's house and we had a little pizza and ice cream sleepover. It was nice that I wasn't lonely at all this weekend, especially Friday and Saturday night, my friends really know how to come through for me :)

Sunday we slept in a little and then we all got ready and left the house at 9:30am. I took Lori home and Izzy and I went to my church. She had so much fun in the kids room and the message was really laid back and short because it was done by a fellow pastor since the head pastor Tom was on vacation this week. We got out of there pretty early and headed back to my house. Izzy spent the afternoon playing with Candy Corn because she is obsessed with him now lol and then helping my mom weed in her garden and I spent time in the garage painting my wicker chair for my little "waiting area" in my spa. By the time I made lunch and then left the house and got back to her house in Royal Oak it was almost 4pm and there wasn't much time left until Kristin would be home so I brought my bike with me and Izzy and I went for a bike ride through downtown and then to a part on 4th ave until Kristin called me and told me she had gotten home around 5. Then it started raining ha ha, and so we rode our bikes as fast as we could and got back in record time.

Kristin had a lot of much needed fun in Chicago as well as having a little time away from her kid, which I'm sure all mothers need sometimes. Izzy was a perfect little kid with me the whole weekend, just like she always was, so I wasn't worried, I'm just glad I didn't have to spend this weekend all alone.

Winter Song

2009-06-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

Music is therapeutic for the soul. Here is a song that has helped me through a lot. If you don't have it, download it. Its by Ingrid Michaelson.

Winter Song

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.

They say we're buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive? x 10

Blah blah blah is all I hear when you talk. lol

2009-06-11T05:34:00.000-07:00

Going through some changes...gonna make the best of it. Things are not terrible right now, I have wonderful friends, people who love me and care about me, including you. We all go through changes in life all the time so that things better suit us. Its the natural progression of things. Why get broken up about everything when we're so young? And what about on the off chance things go back to the way they were? Then all that grief and angst was wasted. I believe, unless someone dies, don't waste your truly sad feelings on other losses. Its just not worth it. Live your life, and when shit happens, get a helmet and deal with it.

I am so glad that I have massage to concentrate on when things start to go down hill. I am glad that I have a best friend who would come over to my house at any time of the day or night just to listen to me talk when things in my life suck and I am fortunate to have a job to fill my days and class to fill some of my nights. I have pulled through worse then this and as it was recently told to me...I apparently am a strong girl...which is awesome. I didn't feel strong, still kinda don't, but gosh darn doesn't it feel good to know that someone thinks I am? That I am even dare I say it, an influence to some people. If all women handled things the way I handle them, this world might be just a little better off in my opinion. I am going to be patient, I have a heart full of love and its just waiting for someone to open it and share with me the good stuff in life. Like laughter and yes some tears. But if we didn't have moments like this in our lives, where crap just seems so overwhelming that you don't know where to turn, then how the heck would we be able to cherish the really good moments.

And its moments like this, that make me realize who I love, how I should live, with who I should spend my time and energy on, I've realized who really cares about me, and I finally agree that sometimes its healthy to have a really good, long and emotional cry. Sometimes you just hold so much in that the only way to feel light again and to feel right about things, is to just have a really good cry. I know I feel better.

I'm going to go to church this weekend with little Isabella and I am going to worship because it makes me feel good and I am going to talk to people after church that I normally don't talk to. I'm going to laugh my ass off about stuff that is really funny and I'm not going to think about anything other than taking one day at a time and not and not rushing anything. I'm going to sit back and look at the flowers in my mom's garden at home and I'm going to spend more time at the library like I used to. I'm going to change my life around so it suits ME again, and not anyone else first. Its time to take care of myself for a change and stop trying to take care of other people first. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to help people, I became a massage therapist for a reason after all. Helping people is in my blood or something, can't explain it, so why should I anyway? I just do it and I'm happy that I can share what I have with the world, but if I just concentrate on other people solely, then I will slowly give all of myself to everyone else and not have anything left of my identity. I won't recognize myself anymore, and I do not want that to happen.

Things will get better for sure, it might take a while but that's where my patience comes in, and they WILL get better, I assure you. Something will happen that will make all this worthwhile. Whether its finding someone new to add to my life, or adding someone old back into my life. Or becoming a different and better person and attracting new friends to my side, I will be OK damn it, because I choose to be :)

I love the smell of a fresh coat of paint

2009-06-07T11:40:00.001-07:00

I finished my spa this morning! I started on Friday morning at around 9am by going to my awesomely close and cool neighborhood hardware store, DeRonnes and buying a gallon of "Beach Beige" paint and some other painting essentials like a drop cloth, some painters tape, a new paint roll, a new light switch cover to help update the basement a bit, some extension cords for my fake tree with the Christmas lights on it and my little lamp, and also some tack thingy to keep the cord on the floor and out of the way against the wall.

So I headed home and started painting around 10 am. About noon my dad came home for lunch and helped me move the old broken couch out of the basement and into his work truck to take to the dump and then I got back to painting. There was still a huge pile of crap in the middle of the basement but eventually I got all that moved into new spots too. About 2:30 I ran out of paint but still needed a double coat on the last wall so I had to go back to the store to get one more gallon of paint. I came back it was almost 3 so I stopped and washed out my brush and roller for more painting later. I wanted to finish but I had 2 massages scheduled at 4pm and 6 pm and I still needed to clean up my room a bit and get ready.

at 4 Jill came over and I gave her a massage. Shes a biker mama, shes real cool. Then at 6pm her daughter Shannon came over and I gave her a massage as well. After that it was around 8pm which meant it was time for me to go to pick up some furniture from a woman on craigslist that I was buying for my studio. I got over there and loaded up my moms Explorer with 2 metal coffee tables with glass tops, a book case made of pine and 2 silver painted lamps with white shades. I ended up driving to Dustin and Erik's new house to give them the coffee tables and the lamps because they were gonna take em anyway, whats the sense of bringing them to my house just to have to load them again and bring em over there another day.

After that I came home and it was about 10pm and I finished painting the basement put the lights on my fake tree, arranged all my new furniture, put my files in my new file cabinet and put together some flower arrangements to hang on the walls and did some other stuff. By the time I went to bed it was 1:15am and since I hadn't stayed up that late in a long time, I couldn't even keep my eyes open to even put my pj's on. I just collapsed on my bed and I was out.

when I woke up Saturday morning I moved some more furniture in my basement and then did another massage for Jill's friend and then after that I baked some muffins and then Dustin came over and we had dinner with my family and spent the evening together. All in all it was an eventful weekend and if I hadn't taken that Friday off of work I never would have gotten everything done. Its still not done really, I still have to put up some shades or curtains to separate my spa from the rest of the basement, but my dad is ordering me some bamboo shades soon and I will hang those up soon. I feel so blessed that things are working out for me. I even went online to look up some info on my city's website to see what the regulations for having a home business are and they don't have anything listed that I can't comply with. Plus the yearly fee is reasonable too at $150 to have my spa in my basement.

I know I say this alot, but I am so fricken excited.

finally!

2009-05-27T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yay, I made a massage blog that I will dedicate to talking only about massage and my schooling and also I will figure out a way to get a clientele base from it. Here's hoping I make it in the massage industry. It will be nice to have a place I can blow off steam at when the schooling is getting too much for me.

here is the link to my new page http://handandstonemassage.blogspot.com/

go check it out!

2009-05-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

Arrrgggghhhh!!!!! I'm so mad!

I had the chance today at work to drive all the way to Rochester Hills to pick up some parts and then drive all the way out to Novi to drop them off and then from Novi back to work here in Warren but at the last minute when I was about to leave, one of the bosses in Kentucky who happens to be here this week said he would do it. So he called me and I had to give him the directions and I hate my life.

Its bad enough that their taking our jobs down there and we have to send all our machines there and now we have no work but now they are driving up here and taking what little work we have left as well!

So mad I could spit. Now I really don't have a thing to do today at work. I think I'm going to leave early and go get my bike from Dustin's house and head home to ride around the neighborhood. I need to blow off steam.

Back from Chicago!

2009-05-22T05:09:00.000-07:00

Wow what a trip! I LOVE Chicago.

I left Saturday morning for the train station with my man at around 6am and we got on the train right at 7am. The trip took longer then expected because of delays on Amtrak's end but eventually we made it into the city, an hour and half late, but in one piece.

The first day(Sat.) we walked around town for a long time and then went out to eat at a great pizza place, the next day(Sun.) we spent at the food show, which was the main reason we went to Chicago in the first place. That was amazing. I knew there would be food there and that people would be giving out samples, but there were full kitchens and people making fresh loaves of bread and cake and fried food and baked food and smoked meats and grilled steak and huge wheels of cheese that you could just take from and huge smoked salmons on tables that you could take a plate of and WOW there was a lot of food. We got some awesome pictures(above) and videos of the owner of BlenTec from Will It Blend? That was definitely a highlight.

Me = loser.

Sunday night after the food show Dustin took me to the Signature room at the 95th floor of the John Hancock. It was the most romantic place anyone has ever taken me. I felt like a princess. I got to wear a pretty dress which a friend lent to me since I really didn't have anything appropriate, and I did my hair and everything. I know I looked beautiful because I felt beautiful. And Dustin looked so handsome! He always looks good to me but that night he looked especially handsome in his simple button up shirt and black pants.

On Monday we went to the food show again to tie up some loose ends basically. There was a whole section of displays and stands that we never really saw the day before so we made sure to go back and see them. After that we spent the day walking around the city and the parks taking pictures and talking. There was so many beautiful things to see! There was a botanical garden, a huge fountain at the back of the park by the water, an amphitheatre set up in the park over the grass, plus huge art installations set up all over the park by the art institute.

After walking around for a while we went back to the hotel to rest and start packing. We left the next morning and came back to Michigan on the train. There's only a few things I would have liked to do differently on our trip but overall it was the best vacation I have ever been on. I hope I get to go again soon only maybe not on the train as it made me sick coming home lol.

Chicago here I come!

2009-05-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

I am leaving for Chicago, my first real vacation, tomorrow morning at the butt crack of dawn. It was all my boyfriends idea to go, and I'm so glad he invited me. I am so incredibly excited to be going I can't stop smiling. I packed 99% of my things last night. The weather is supposed to be nice for the 4 days that we're going except for maybe tomorrow which will be cloudy and windy but hey, its Chicago, its supposed to be windy.

I am most excited for the Signature room, but not the elevator to get TO the Signature room, and also the aquarium and the food show. I also am SO happy to be trying real Chicago style deep dish pizza for the first time in my life. Yum Yum in my Tum.

I am going to try and cut myself off at spending $50 the whole 4 days we're there. I am bringing munchies on the train in hopes at not having to eat a big lunch when I arrive there.The Food Show we're going to will have food samples and such that I can eat for lunch the 2 days we go I'm sure and then the only other things I might have to pay for are *maybe* a taxi or something and the aquarium and then buying pizza. I am hopefully not going to go over my limit.

I need to save for school (on top of my bills) or I won't be able to graduate. This means: no more eating out AT ALL, I have to rely on my parents for gas money, I have to possibly start charging people $15-$20 for each massage I do, and I have to stay until 4 or 4:30 at work everyday that I can so I can get some extra cash. But after all is said and done, I can honestly say I paid my own way through school without loans and whatever and I will have a job waiting for me as soon as I get my certification and I can start making some money and paying off my debts. I will be much happier once my financial situation gets more safe and I can start really saving, hopefully for a house of my own one day.

Lunch time!
Ciao!

What a beautiful day

2009-05-08T05:56:00.000-07:00

Its amazing to me that today can be so warm and sunny out when just last week it was cold and rainy and windy. Hell, even a few weeks ago there was frost on the ground. That's one thing I really despise about Michigan is the change in weather sometimes in an instant. You can hardly plan a day at the beach or a picnic at the park unless your in the dead of summer where you would have a better chance at the weather staying consistent. Try to plan something in the spring and you might die of hypothermia.

In any case, the weather today seems wonderful, until it rains of course, but hopefully that won't be until later tonight after I have enjoyed the sun for a bit. I don't know what my plans are today but boy would I like to go for a walk or a bike ride. I need to stretch my legs and my ankle. My left ankle is doing better. in fact its pretty much back to 100%. Once I stopped babying it, it started to heal and feel better. Yay for me. I really hated limping around at work lol.

In other news, I had a lovely night last night. I made myself some food to take to work with me today, and then me and my mom and dad ordered out some Chinese from a new place a mile from our house that was awesomely good. Like whoa. They had Crab Rangoon that blew any and all other Crab Rangoon I've had out of the water. Then I went for a short walk with Lorraine and when I came home I watched a chick flick that I had rented the day before. All in all it was a nice relaxing evening and I like that sometimes. I like to party too, don't get my wrong ha ha, but its nice not to have anything to do but chill.

Technically my trip to Chicago starts next Friday!!!! Dustin is coming over to spend the night that night and then early Saturday morning my dad is taking us to the train station in Royal Oak where our train leaves the station at 7am and then our fun will begin!!

3 nights with Dustin all to myself. I think this will be a good test for us. If we don't feel like killing each other by Tuesday night, then we're good ;)

Gots to go now, things to clean here at work, and no one is gonna do it but me, le sigh.

Peace

Life is such a fickel thing

2009-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

So, last night on the news they were talking about some guy that held up traffic for 9 hours on the Van Dyke expressway bridge over 696, he was threatening to jump and they spent 9 hours talking him down when they should have just pushed the poos sap off the bridge after 3. Anyway...apparently Debbie who I work with, saw Michael, my ex on the news last night at a gas station talking about it ha ha. I guess they liked him so much they interviewed him for like 10 minutes! I was thinking about him last night too because He lives over near there and because of the whole thing and I thought to myself, "LOL I hope you have to sit and wait in traffic for 7 hours too, you prick" and low and behold, he did :) Debbie recognized his retarded beard and his little black Jetta so she mentioned it to me this morning at work. She also said Dustin was definitely cuter ;) tee hee

I am so excited to be going to Chicago with Dustin in 9 days. This is going to be my first real trip with someone. I just can't believe how far I've come. I think I'm actually in a real functioning relationship for the first time, and I like it. We both make mistakes sometimes, but for the most part we love each other and I think we work well together. There's a certain amount of sarcasm and joking around that lightens moods when we're feeling kinda crabby too and that, in my opinion, keeps us from actually fighting.

We came pretty close a few days ago to a real fight though, he was being a crab and that in turn made me bitchy and I lashed out and then he told me to go home (not sure if he was joking or not but at that point I was not in the mood to stick around anyway) and I went and got my purse and then got into my car and as I was pulling out of his driveway he came around the side of the house to stop me. At that point I felt so sick of even kind of fighting with him in the first place that I almost cried. The great Breanne-shed-no-tears almost cried. I just felt so awful and sick, I would have done or said anything to make it better. I hate fighting with people, but especially people I love.

We talked for a minute, he made a joke but I can't remember what and I pulled back into the driveway and we went for a bike ride. I apologized later for being a bitch but he never really responded. He isn't very talkative when the subject is about love or working out disagreements, so I didn't look into it much. That's just him being a guy lol.

At least he tells me he loves me ha ha. That's all I care about :)

Tis the season...for yard sales!

2009-04-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

I had my yard sale on Saturday and Sunday. Even though it was super windy, we had a tornado threat and my things were blowing away off my tables, I managed to sell a lot of stuff and raise almost $400, $250 of which was mine. I have a lot of money for school now and that is all I need. I hope that I can make my car payment this month AND pay for the rest of my Chicago trip without having to dip into my school savings...

My b/f went to Chicago this weekend for a charity thing where he was to stay the night in a park in Chicago along with thousands of other people to raise awareness for some asshole in a foreign country that abducts little children and then forces them to fight for him in his army or be killed. :(

It rained so hard and it was so cold and windy there, that they had to leave early and drive home because there just was no way they could spend the night in what most likely to be a flooded park. So he was able to spend time with me on Sunday which I enjoyed, and then I helped him pack a bit more for when he moves out of his house in a few weeks.

Speaking of, yes, Dustin found out that his friend Eric got the house he was trying to buy and so he will be moving there in a few weeks. Yay for him!!! I will get to help, not sure with what, but maybe painting, and cleaning and whatnot. Those are my favorite things to do. Clean and paint. I am also helping him to pack a bit like I said, I just want to feel useful :)

back to work.

I need a vacation

2009-04-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

School is going good. I start my clinicals at a new location on Monday. This is going to be a good opportunity for me because I will be learning directly under the owner of the school now instead of my friend. She is a good teacher and all, and I learned a lot from her when it came to Swedish massage but now I want to learn Thai Massage. Things like that she isn't interested in learning because she doesn't want to go back to school to take the time to learn it. That's where I come in. If I learn all these new and up and coming techniques for massage that are becoming increasingly popular, then that will bring in more money for me.

Went to the Doctor a few days ago, so far as I know, I am healthy. That might change but we will see.

Work is getting more and more boring. Things are getting to the point where I am desperate for them to lay me off so I can find something else. They are going to FINALLY let go of the old man that sits next to me who doesn't do anything in a timely manner and who leaves at noon most days anyhow. He spent the better part of last week in the hospital getting stints put in his heart or something and he's still here "working" even though he could keel over at a moments notice.

What a waste of space. Normally I have a soft spot in my heart for the elderly but not for Chuckles. He is a waste of space. He needs to retire.

This weekend I am having a Yard Sale. I am shocked at how much stuff I have to sell. I never realized until I actually set all the stuff out in my basement to price and gathered all my things in boxes and WOW is there a lot. Its OK though cuz I will hopefully make a lot of money for mine and Dustin's Chicago trip next month. Plus, whatever I don't sell, I'm having Purple heart come and take away on Monday morning. maybe now the basement will finally be clean for a change since that is where all this crap is lol. My mom will sure be happy.

What a beautiful day!

2009-04-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my what a beautiful day out. I had a defensive driving class today that I had to take that was court mandated, blah. I spent the whole morning and early afternoon doing that and then I came home at 3pm with a slight headache from not eating much.

Now I've had some food and I'm waiting for my headache to either go away or to get worse. Hopefully it will go away or I won't be able to go for a walk with Lorraine and then a bike ride later. I really want to enjoy this weather.

Wish me luck!

Am I making a huge mistake?

2009-04-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

I am doing these Clinical's for massage therapy school where I do 30 hours of massages on people that my teacher sets up for me, later on I can do friends and maybe even family, but in the beginning she wants me to do some of her clients.

So far I did Laura, the other therapist that works with us, and her husband David on Tuesday night. Her husband loved it, he said I used the right amount of pressure and everything, but Laura said that she felt like I was awkward and that I didn't put any emotion or heart into the massage. She said I had great hands but she wondered if I should be doing massage therapy for a living.

She has been doing massage for like 12 years so she noticed a bunch of things. She said i didn't have any flow and feeling, and like I said before, that I was awkward with the movements. She also said I didn't have enough strength yet and that I had no pressure. I think I did really well, but later in the massage I was distracted because my teacher came in and was talking to us and Laura was moving a lot and talking to Jessica and I just lost track of what I was doing completely.

She thinks I'll get better with practice, which I will I'm sure, but it was still hard to hear since Jessica says I am doing really well and that I give a great massage. I'm wondering now if I should just get my certification in June and then just do it on friends and family instead of making it a career. I can probably go back to college to get a business degree or something from Macomb or maybe go into IT or something and then just do that. I don't want to make the mistake of doing this for a living if I'm no good at it. It made me really sad for the rest of the night. Le Sigh. Now I just don't know what to think but my confidence in my ability and passion to help people feel better is all but disappeared...

Learning Thai, not the language though...

2009-04-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

Thai massage is a very strange but wonderful new thing that I am currently learning in class, along with 3 other students in the second section of my massage therapy program. The first section was Swedish massage and bodywork and now we are learning Thai, as well as therapeutic techniques to pin point pain. It can be a little confusing but I think I am catching on very well.

I volunteered to be the guinea pig so to speak and so my teacher demonstrated on my left leg all the stuff we were learning for the day, up to my hip. It was awesome! My left leg felt 10 times better then my right and it only took a few minutes, she wasn't even really doing a full massage she said, and she also gave us all in the class an opportunity to have a free Thai Massage from her anytime we can come in. She wants us all to experience one so we know what it feels like. I am going to try and schedule mine for tomorrow afternoon.

back to work...

Make the insanity stop

2009-04-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

This week has just begun and I already want it to be over. I'm working right now at the office and I have work that I could be doing but instead I think I will update my blog...

I'm trying to stay positive and I'm thinking good thoughts so as not to get too overwhelmed by how busy I'm going to be this week, but my gosh is it hard to do. If I can get through this week alive then I know I can handle anything.

Here is my week...

Today and everyday I work until 3pm, lets get that out of the way right now. So going into my evenings, I will already be somewhat tired, and possibly cranky and or bored, plus I might have some minor or major back pain from sitting in my desk chair all day.

Tonight I have class at 3:15 until god knows when. Probably until 6 or 7 though. Then home to work on my homework that I realized from doing it last week, takes the better part of a day or so to complete. And since my week is going to be so packed, I want to get a head start on it tonight.

Tuesday and Wednesday I have to go to the spa straight from work, to do two massages back to back starting at 3:30pm each day and letting me go home around 6pm or later. Home for dinner, which chances are will not be something I like as my mother is in the habit of making things I can't eat so as to have more for the rest of the family. Then maybe homework then bed as I will most likely be exhausted.

Thursday I get a little break because I get home from work at 3 and then I don't have a massage to do until 4:30pm and its for a friend and its also at my house so I can feel a bit more relaxed. Probably will finish that between 5:30 and 6pm and then maybe more homework or some dinner and maybe go to sleep early.

Friday, blissful Friday, is my "day off" of massage but unfortunately I still have to work at the office. I get out at 3 and at this point I hope that I will be able to see my boyfriend for a little bit if I haven't already seen him this week. I will have to go to bed pretty early though as I have to wake up early the next morning to be in Fraser at 8:30am until 4pm (yay! my whole day off!) for an all day driving class because of a ticket I got for speeding in November of last year.

After that I will probably see my friend or my boyfriend and recover the last part of my day so that my weekend didn't totally suck balls.

Sunday I have church at 10am and then I have a massage directly afterward at my house for a friend I haven't seen in a long time. She will be in town for a few hours with her daughter and so I offered to give her a massage. I wouldn't normally be this busy but I have to complete 30 clinical hours at the spa before June 30th and then I have to have 300 hours of "practice" and homework don't at my house on my own time by the same date. If that means doing 2 massages everyday until my fingers feel like they are going to fall off then so be it.

I am trying to think of all the positive things that will happen this week instead of the bad things, for instance: I will be giving a full body massage to a man for the first time. This will allow me to see how much oil/lotion I will need for a guy. Jessica says that I will need more because their legs/back/arms are hairier then a woman"s and so its harder the get the oil to penetrate the skin for a good massage. Also I will have to most likely give harder pressure when I massage a guy. Up until now I haven't really given a "therapeutic massage"(more pressure) because I do softer Swedish pressure. This will give me the opportunity to learn how to give more firm pressure in a massage, something I will need to know how to do eventually. Also there's always the chance I will make some tips. I can't charge people since I am still a student, but some people give me tips if they like the massage I give them so there's always the chance that I can make a little cash this week although I am not going to get my hopes up ha ha.

Weeks like this won't always be the case. I am going to be busy for the next month or so but not always to this degree. I will most likely keep Monday for class, Tuesdays and Wednesdays for clinical and then Thursdays OR Sundays for one or 2 massages for friends. but Friday and Saturday I will have off more often then not and even though I have lots of homework, I'm getting better at it now. I only need 30 clinical hours which if i do 4-6 a week, will give me about 6 weeks until I'm done. That's pretty good I think. I can always stretch it out more, but I really want to get it over with. I wish that I had known about it sooner-thanks Deanna :( but since I just found out, I am starting as soon as I can, which is this week.

In other news, Dustin's friend is putting in a offer for a house that they found that they like a lot. I think Tuesday they are doing it and I will be praying for them that they get it because this will be really good for Dustin. He needs to get out of his house before his family drives him crazy. I think him and I are doing well. Certainly better then my other relationships at this point. Its only been a few months but already I am very attached. He is a wonderful and interesting person. I'm always learning something new. And even though he can be difficult on occasion, I still think he's awesome. Must be spring fever hitting me ha ha. I can't wait for our Chicago trip in May. He bought our NRA tickets this past weekend and so our trip is pretty much final. We also planned out most of the trip on paper and made dinner reso's at the Signature Room. Definitely can't wait for that.

My guinea pig is doing well. He hasn't sneezed much at all in the last few weeks but I'm not really home during the day so he could be and I'm just not there to hear it...he is warming up to me a lot more. He talks to me every morning when I wake up and he whistles at me when I leave or enter my bedroom lol. My dog Suki is jealous I think. I admit I haven't been home as much as I usually am and so I haven't been playing with her like I used to. I can't take her with me when I stay the night at Dustin's and I never have time to walk her. One thing I'm going to love when I become a certified therapist is that I can quit my job here at the office during the days and I will have more time to spend with her and with my family. I can do massage then at anytime I want to and maybe pick up a small part time job near my house for just a few hours a week to supplement my pay.

Well, I think that I can handle this week but I still can't wait until its over. I'm going to miss my baby this week but this will give him some time away from me since we spent the whole weekend together practically, I do not want him to think we see each other too much. Thoughts like that are always the beginning of the end of a relationship with the guys I date, although he is different, I'm not taking any chances :)

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Lots of new things have happened since I last wrote, but I won't go into all the details. Just a few small updates...

School is doing well but I'm finding that I'm not liking my new teacher for the second part of the program. She is way too new age for me and is forcing us to do all sorts of things that are not medically necessary for good massage. Like doing Thai Chi before every massage, and learning about chakras and meditating. Definitely not my thing. Plus she talks way too much about nothing important. Other then her, class is going good.

Today is Easter Sunday and I am spending time with Dustin and then we're going out to eat dinner with my family later. I had Friday off and got to spend the day with him and we went to the Ford Mansion to take a tour as it is now a museum. Fun times were had by all.

Spring has not sprung like it should.

2009-04-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

Oh Michigan, oh Michigan, how I despise thee. With your chilly winters followed but snowy springs it's a wonder why I still live here at all...

I woke up this morning strangely tired, even though I slept my regular 8 hours and as I looked around my room I noticed that it was slightly darker then past mornings. I knew that when I looked out of my window hangings that what I would find wasn't a soft morning dew covering my backyard but a blanket of wet, semi melted, slushy snow. And find it I did.

Needless today, waking up to something like that in the beginning of April instead of a slightly warm morning with the sun coming up, isn't a good way to start any spring. And so it is my conclusion, that Michigan Spring is broken, possibly has been for a while now. Global warming my ASS. Those scientists should make a trip to Michigan and see for themselves that if the ozone layer is really disappearing, that its still perfectly intact over the great mitten.

I had to wear my winter boots this morning and thank God that I haven't taken my snow scrapers out of my backseat where they sit next to my flip flops and bike ha ha. so I preheated my car and had to scrape off all the ice and snow/slush from my car and I still couldn't see out my windows well, until I made it to the main roads and then I was fine.

Once I got to work I knew that today wasn't going to be Grade A because first off I was locked out of the building becasue the asshole that gets here before everyone forgot to unlock the door after he used his key to get in. Our door is strange, but he's still an asshole. So I had to walk all the way to the other side of the building in the snow/slush to enter through the shop and then walk to the office from there. Not cool but its over and I'm warm now so whatever.

2 people called in sick today, insadently the 2 people who sit closest to me, so I'm all alone in my little corner of the office today, which isn't bad because I can do things like write in this blog, and play online games and no one can see me do it. Oh happy day.

My weekend went well. Met Dustin's 2 uncles and his half brother. We all went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse and I had a delicious Chicken Critters Salad. Yum Yum eat em up. Had class on Saturday morning, wont go into too much detail but I'm beginning to hate my instructor, not the cool one Jessica, but the other one, Deanna, who is taking over for a while to teach us Thai massage and Therepuetic massage. She is a new age woman with very different ideas of what should be taught. She is forcing us to do Thai Chi in class and learning about Chakras and centering ourselves with the earth or something, I don't know. Shes a loony tune. Jess and I are not pleased.

Other then class stuff, my weekend was pretty good. Did a massage for my friend Lana on Sunday afternoon and she gave me a tip! My first one too, I was excited. Also before that I went with Dustin and his good friend to the gym to watch them bock on their stilts. I brought my camera and took some video and pictures before my camera died. That was fun. They are getting really good at jumps and flips and stuff. This summer will be interesting.

Just a little over a month until Dustin and I leave for Chicago to go to the NRA show! I am so excited. I've never been there but I hear from him and other people who've gone that Chicago is an amazing city. I'm trying to save all my money and I'm going to ask my parents if they can give me a little money for spending purposes. Hopefully nothing happens that prevents us from going, I don't like to be negative anymore but its about that time, where my relationships usually take a nose dive.

So far no signs really, and honestly I don't believe it will turn out like that with us, but its hard not to think of the past and what has previviously happened. We are very compatable, despite a few minor things, like for instance, I am always cold and he's always warm. This could work out for some people because we would sort of balance out but I get the feeling he doesn't like to be touched as much when he's really hot because he's probably trying to cool down. I can't handle the windows open and I can't have the fan on, unless im under a blanket with a hoodie on and I know this bothers him, even if he doesn't always say so. This will all change in the summer. I am a whole new woman in the summer.

That is why I want to one day move to warmer climates. Not like Mexico or anything, just some where that has a slightly longer summer and less harsh winter. Is there such a place? Sure, I just have to find it. All in due time. I want to start a career first anyway. Get married. Start a life with someone and then I'll see if I still feel the same way. Hopefully who ever I end up with will want to move as well. We shall see.

back to work.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2009-04-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

So its another boring Friday at work. I have nothing to do and I'm almost falling asleep at my desk. I decided it would be a perfect time to update my blog.

Made dinner for the boy last night, I think it turned out well. I wish the couscous wasn't so dry and that it was actually hot by the time we sat down to eat, but I can't always get what I want.

After dinner at my house we drove to his place and got our bikes out and then went for a really nice bike ride at Metro beach and all along the trails there that are right on the water. It was a bit cold but I have the hoodie that Dustin gave to me and I made sure to put my hood up. We must have rode for about 6 miles at least. He said from his house to the beach was about 3 miles and we went there and then around the beach trails and then back to his place so I'm thinking it was at least 7 or 7 miles. Pretty good for my first ride of the year. My legs are a bit sore but I am walking normal ha ha so that good. And my butt hurts because my seat isn't big enough, but that's normal.

Starting next week I'm going to be "part-time" at my work, which really is just me going down to 35 hours a week instead of 40. I got a nice little check for the rest of my vacation days that I earned but will not be using and I'm using that to pay a good portion of my school tuition this month. Hopefully I can pay that off quickly enough. Then I can start saving my money to pay off my credit card and maybe then I can get my credit score repaired. I haven't even checked it recently because I'm afraid of what it might be. I'm very tempted to just cut up my cards after I finally pay them off...or at the very least, just hide them so their out of my site.

It started raining last night at around 9 or 10 and basically hasn't stopped. I don't mind the rain as much when its warm, but this colder rain plus wind is not cool. I kind of want to go home and just sleep today. Its not like they need me here. and Its not like I have anything else to do. Why not? Next week I will be part time anyhow. Its not as if I can't leave early, what are they going to do, fire me? The company is going down the drain anyway. Sure maybe there will be a miraculous turnaround in our economy and people will start buying cars left and right, sure maybe I will need to go back to full time because there's just so much work that I'm going to need more time everyday to do it! Its doubtful though. Highly doubtful. Yeah, I'm going home.

Oh the drama!

2009-03-30T13:42:00.000-07:00

holy crap LOL

I was on line talking to Shawna and I mentioned how I had completely forgot to tell her that I decided since I'm going to be Jessica's partner at the spa that she let me name it and I said that I picked Bella Sante Spa because I thought of it one night with Shawna at the Library after I told her I wanted to open my own place to do massage one day.

So she completely freaked out, told me I was an ass because SHE thought of that name and it wasn't mine to use, which is completely untrue and then proceeded to call me every name in the book, tell me that I was a horrible, unoriginal friend, and then told me that we're no longer friends, that I can go to hell, and that she was blocking me on yahoo messenger...LOL

I found the entire thing comical and I actually began laughing out loud at work while she was typing all this to me. How could a 30 year old woman who's supposed been through as much as she says she's been through(the jury's still out on her, she tends to lie about things I'm noticing...)be married and have four children, in an abusive relationship and still be so immature as to have a hissy fit over something as simple as the usage of a name that SOMEONE ELSE thought of, then on top of that end the only friendship she really had with someone. Just to prove she was right? Just to be a bitch? I just don't get it! Ha Ha. you'd think that she would have more to worry about then that. Like...oh I don't know, maybe how shes going to take care of her 4 kids now that she has finally left her husband and come home? (only after being threatened by the state to have her children taken away because of evidence of physical abuse, mind you) It's sad when a woman like her gets to live free and clear when there's other women out there who deserve their freedom who actually FIGHT for their lives everyday. If I was her I'd be trying to make friends, not lose them.

So I told her that its not like we're the only ones who thought of that name, there's like 5 other businesses in the country with the name already, and not to mention I thought of it because I told her I was going to go to massage school soon and wanted to open my own place one day. She didn't show any interest in using the name, nor did she mention an interest in learning massage or anything of that nature, as if she would lower herself to touch someone else's body anyway.

So I didn't want to fight with her even thought there's been a lot that I wanted to say to her for years because she just seems so stupid compared to a normal person...I just told her I hoped she got what she deserved, (karma is a bitch after all), and that I hoped her moms current situation turned out for the better, (cancer is never anything to joke about) and something I wished I had said but didn't was that I hoped her kids wouldn't ever remember what a horrible man their daddy was and because of all the things he did to them, when they woke up with nightmares about being kicked by their daddy, they didn't blame her because she just didn't have the guts to leave him. Mothers are supposed to protect their children. Not put them in harms way then turn their backs on them.

Well she didn't like any of that one bit. And if I was such a horrible friend why did I stick around and give her emotional support when she was dealing with an abusive husband while at the same time having an affair behind her husbands back with 2 men! When she had no one to talk to in Texas because her stupid ass followed him down there ALONE knowing full well that he was just going to be the same abusive asshole she had married, I called her all the time to make sure she was all right and to make sure there wasn't anything I could do. I almost bought her a plane ticket to come home when he cut off all her funds and tried to kill her! And then to top it off she eventually brought her children back into that environment by dragging them out of school and down to Texas with her!

All she ever talked about was all these other men, all the sex she was having in her multiple affairs, all the stuff she had bought and all the money she was using of her husbands. I knew she was a spoiled rich-bitch when I went into the friendship and I also knew that she thought I was beneath her from the beginning. But I could tell she was lonely and needed someone to tell all her problems to and so I decided I would be an open ear for her. I even remember a few days when I wanted to look nice for work and I would curl my hair or wear a dress I just bought and she would tell me I looked fat, or that you could see my underwear lines, or that I should have done my hair a different way. It was like no one was allowed to look their best when she was nearby or the attention would be off of her for a moment and we can't have that now can we!

I felt so bad for her too. This woman spends more time in the bathroom putting on the right jeans and top to hide her huge ass and fat stomach so that she can feel beautiful. She spent more on makeup then I have in a paycheck. I don't wear makeup, and I don't hide my full figure and so far it's gotten me into better relationships then her any day of the week! I know I'm beautiful without anything to enhance my features. I love that about myself. She hated that in me. I was always happy about the way I looked, but nothing can make a woman so miserable as her happy for even a moment.

When it just finally got to be too much for me, and I could tell that she actually enjoyed being in the position she was in with all the drama and all the lies and that she seemed to like being under the control of her abusive husband because he bought her expensive things, and even after trying to tell her to leave him and come home, something her family had been telling her fora long time, then I stopped trying. I stopped worrying if she was even alive, I stopped calling and telling her that she deserved better. Being her friend was absolutely, the most exhausting experience of my entire life.

In many ways I am glad our friendship is finally over. She was never a good friend to me, she never helped me with any of the problems I had, she only cared about herself. It was fun sometimes being her friend, but the negative definitely outweighed the positive.

My room is almost complete!

2009-03-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

My shelves are done! My shelves are done!

My awesome, handy with any tool boyfriend made them for me and they are awesome! I helped a little, mostly holding things down as he was cutting with the circular saw, and handing him tools as he needed them. Oh and I paid for 98% of the stuff ha ha. I could tell later on when it was getting late and we were trying to finish up, that all I was really doing was annoying him so I stopped what little helping I was doing lol. I'm not good at building things and I really don't know anything about anything when it comes to tools and holding things straight and putting screws/nails in, so I just stood by and watched. No sense in making more of a fool outta myself AND annoying my man.

Now the shelves are in my closet and I was able to clear out all the clothes hanging in there and like 3 of my dresser drawers so that i could put all of those things folded neatly in my new shelving unit. I am excited. My next project idea is going to be to put more shelves, made the same way as my new ones, in the other part of my closet where my dresser now sits. I put my dresser in there to save space in the rest of my room since i have my massage table in my bedroom now and so far it has worked out really well but I think if i put more shelves in my closet, then i can put ALL my clothes in them AND have room for my jewelry box, my massage stuff, my purses, maybe even my cook books. Then everything will be localized and I can free up even more space in my room. I just wish I had a bigger closet lol.

So my work is finally putting me on part time starting next week. I will be leaving an hour and a half earlier every day. I still will make enough to pay my bills. I will just have to save my money more and watch my spending habits more closely. Something I've never really had to do before now. I have to come up with my last 2 tuition payments for massage school and a bunch of money for my Chicago trip with the boyfriend in May. I think it will be OK, I just need to save my money.

I'm using my work computer so it's back to work I guess!

One step closer to my dream

2009-03-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

I had my first pseudo client last night for a massage. Her wedding is coming up soon and she has been stressed because of it I'm sure so I offered to practice on her and since I don't charge anything, she said heck yeah.

She's a girl I went to private school with and then high school but we were never really friends because she was super popular and I was a total geek/freak. There was a short time, maybe I think around 8th grade where the popular girls shunned her for a period of time because they were all back stabbing bitches in the day, and she and I bonded for a bit because she only lived a few blocks away and she had no one else to talk to.

All my friends who were also geeks/freaks were upset that I would even talk to her after all the crap she had done to me, and I took a lot of flack for it, but being in the position I was in, I knew exactly what she was going through and I remember not having anyone to sit with at lunch, or to talk to at recess. I'm sure to her, I was better then having no one and so we became friends and found out that we actually had a ton in common.

Not only did I play on her soccer team outside of school but we lived only a few blocks from each other and both had pools in our backyards. We would swim and have sleepovers and ride our bikes around. Then came 8th grade graduation and I never saw her again(because she went to a different high school her freshman year) until 10th grade when she transferred to my public high school. we talked on the first day during orientation, mainly because she didn't know anyone else, and then after that we never really talked again. until yesterday.

Now I'm not saying we're going to become friends again like we were in 8th grade, I mean the woman has enough on her mind with her wedding day closing in and all, and she probably has no time to be making new friends but it was nice to catch up with her and to see what shes been up to the past few years. Its amazing how people get old and grow apart or how they get old and grow closer. Friends are a funny thing.

Weekend Fun

2009-03-23T05:45:00.001-07:00

Had a wonderful weekend. Got to see my man most of the weekend and we spent some quality time together. Took my pet guinea pig Candy Corn to the vet because he was sneezing, and got him some antibiotics. He doesn't care too much for strawberries, but he likes spinich and parsley. He's so cute and fluffy.

This morning I caught him on top of his house smooshed between that and the top of his cage. He was chipring away and I came closer to his cage and he was just looking at me with a look that said "hey mom look what I can do!" ha ha. So adorable, then I said to him "hey, get down from there" and he jumped down right away and started whisteling at me. Poor guy, I think he knows when Iwake up in the morning that I have to leave for work, and thats when he is the most talkitive, in the AM. Its like he doesn't want me to go to work, but instead just stay home and play with him lol.

One day I will be able to.

I'm searching for other jobs although I think it might be in my best interest to just stay where I'm at. I know my job well enough, I get to play online all day and since we're slow now I can have more chill time, I'm getting paid well and its close to home. The odds of me finding something as good as where I'm at, BEFORE i start the whole massage thing, is pretty slim. Not to mention if all goes according to plan, I won't even be here by the end of the year. I just want to do massage and then maybe if need be, get a small part time job to supplement any money I'm not making from massage. As long as I can pay my bills, which will hopefully be smaller soon lol, then I think I can handle not having a full time job. I shall see.

At the office now in fact, should probably do my Monday morning work. Not much else to do but it will keep me busy for an hour or two. Can't wait to watch the season finale of Big Love tonight. And to give an old friend a massage. It'll be a nice time to catch up on the last 7 years we haven't spoken.

Monday's aren't all bad.

My life so far

2009-03-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

I am a student in massage school, and I am excited about the new direction my life is taking me in. I work in an office setting and I am starting to feel like I am becoming just another drone. I want to break free from the mold and make my own hours, sleep when I want, work when I want, eat when I want and have fun doing what I want. I have a right to be happy, this is my life.

I want to find a man who can handle a real woman. I have curves, I can be a bitch, but I can also be the sweetest person you know. I want a man who doesn't expect anything from me that I cannot give him and I will not expect anything from him that isn't in his power to do. We have to be equal but he also needs to make me feel like I am being taken care of. I want a passionate man who knows what he wants in life and how to achieve happiness.

I basically want the impossible, but don't I deserve it? Don't we all deserve someone who fits perfectly with us like a corresponding shape? Like a puzzle piece? I think so. I also believe everything happens for a reason, and there's a greater plan out there then we realize. We are just pawns in a chess game, and very large, very intricate chess game between two grandmasters. I've never even played chess...but I am going to win this one.